A moment in my mind....

So close, but yet so far...so very very far

As I lie here, I can hear you breath...I know that you are there

But are you really?  

We talk and laugh like old friends, but you're more distant...than the ones that moved away

I'm not your friend, I'm your Husband...with a need for this affection you feed to all those in need....all those but me...

You greet me with a kiss when you first get home, more habit than real meaning...

Kids and dinner, recorded TV shows, Facebook, texts.....all things that "must" be done

I get too close....a headache you say again, so so tired after all these other things, the same old same....like a record that always spins...

Though better or worse, I've always put you first....why do I get the worst, more last than first, an sometimes not at all

To say such a beautiful and loving woman is being such a cunt...may be me being just a little blunt

Maybe it's all in my head...but it's in my head cause it's in my heart...and that's just the way I feel

It's the.....

It's the baby cries, the early rise,
the negative attitudes, the breif interludes of others just trying to be rude,
It's the nagging wife, the boring life,
the work days that never end,  the lack of touch upon my skin,
It's the TV distractions, the social media reactions,
the smoke that fills my lungs, the fact that I'm not young,
It's the cancer that exsists,  the loved ones that I miss,
the chains that bind my heart,  the slowly falling apart,
It's the need to make a dime,  the fact I can't turn back the time,
the indifference in others eyes,  the pain we feel from lies, 
It's funerals, It's dark days, It's war, It's hate, 
the feeling alone, It's being here and not there,
It's seeing someone sick,  It's having to retreat,  It's the silence,
the things that we have seen, It's the times that we've been mean, 
It's whining kids, the mundane tasks, It's knowing things don't last,
the running out of gas,  It's racism,  It's liberal agendas,
It's stupid fads, It's dead beat dads,
the idiocracy,  It's hypocracy, It's those that waste my time, 
It's the laundry in the hamper,  the dishes in the sink,
the dirty diapers,  the dirt upon the floor, 
It's the big things, the little things, the things that I remember,
the things that I forgot, the things that have happened,
It's the things that may and those that may not,
the goose bumps, the chills, It's the feeling you can't explain,
It's back stabing, It's side talking, It's lack of forward thinking, 
the antagonist, It's the pessimist,
It's those that wish to harm, 
the blood, the sweat, the tears, It's the culmination of my fears.
It's painful as a knife,  this thing that we call life.