Selfish

Do you ever think of yourself as selfish?  Chances are that if you don't have kids you may not yet realize the extent of your selfishness. I for one am the exception....ha.  I would like to be able to say that without being a liar.  The truth is that I am extremely selfish.  I miss being able to sleep in, or hell just being able to sleep at all without being woken up every two hours by the hunger cries of a one month old. (Not that I wouldn't gladly do anything for that beautiful little girl.....just saying) I get jealous of the people that get to go out and do things. I wish we had the stereo typical parents who always wanted to watch and babysit the grand kids.  I wish I didnt sometimes get jealous of my kids and the closeness they have with my wife; although so greatful that they have a mother that loves them so much I still at times long for the closeness my wife and I used to share with each other.  We used to share everything with one another......now it's more like we share everything about our kids but that seems to be the extent of it anymore.  I know all of this sounds awfully selfish, it is! That's my point.  It's a part of me that I had never really noticed until I had kids, but then again I did pretty much what ever I wanted back then.  I guess you don't really notice your selfish tendencies until you find something worth give them up for.  The thoughts or more so the feelings that drive that selfishness are still present but there is something more important that is out weighing  that internal drive.  Even though that goes on, I know I am still selfish.  I want more than I receive from friends, my job, my family.  I want more emotion and passion from my wife than I know she can give.  I want my kids to grow and do things that they aren't quite ready for (their just kids, I was way worse). I want God to fix things in my life but more often than not I don't follow what he calls me to do.  SELFISH!!!   We all are. We're just born that way.  As selfish as I am, and knowing that, I still get angry at the selfishness of others.  I am what I dislike in others. I am me, more me than I would like at times.

       
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4)

 He must increase, but I must decrease. (John 3:30)