Mocking bird

The days are short, dreary, and cold;  and likewise feelings seem to consume my soul. 
Almost as if I am a tree in an orchard being slowly overtaken by weeds and vines.  Each day, each hour, each moment I can feel them covering my branches, shadowing my limbs, blocking out my light.  The nights come upon me too quickly as well,  yet they bring no rest for they to seem just as dark and grim.  There are but memories, like fallen leaves, where once my fruit had hung.  Is this season just beginning or is it soon to pass?  It's hard to focus on the good, with so many thoughts that are so sad. 
What would they think if they were here, those we lost so near and dear?  Would they be so down and out?  Surely we'd be laughing, cutting up, and remembering the good.
My thoughts go back a few years ago to a cold still morning.  I got to work early that day, or my coworker arrived late (probably the latter),  and I can still remember seeing my breath roll past my lips as I sat in my truck waiting. I recall that I had the same sadness overtake me then; thoughts of loved ones come and gone.  Mostly my thoughts hung on to the tragedy that had befallen my cousin Travis a few years before;  but as I sat there overwhelmed, confused, and lost the strangest thing happened....A mocking bird flew up and landed on my driver side mirror.  I paid little attention to him at first,  but as it was he refused to be ignored, refused to let me linger in sadness.  He kept flapping his wing, and chirping, and singing, and hopping back and forth from my window ledge and mirror as if trying desperately to break me from my trance.  As the minutes passed my thoughts began to change to the good memories of a time when we would hunt blackbirds with our bb guns in Pawpaw's back yard.  Back when we were ignorant of the sadness in the world, unstained by the loss of loved ones, blind to the bad, only soaking in the good.  As kids and as cousins we all enjoyed these frequent back yard excursions,  but we knew (instilled in us by our Pawpaw and Mawmaw) never to shoot Mocking birds.  I sat for what seemed like hours watching this little bird dance and sing, and flutter and float, and cry out to me with the same enthusiasm as we had when we were in those moments. 
Still to this day, I can't say that it wasn't my loved ones I saw when I locked eyes with that little bird.  Mocking birds are known for their amazing ability to mimic other birds,  but for some reason I have a hard time believing that this particular bird could mimic so much more or maybe perhaps he was just mocking my sadness.  Either way the memory of that day, of that little bird, will forever be engraved into my mind and will continue to remind me,  in moments of sad reflection and morning,  to not spend to much time lingering on the sad of the loss but rather linger on the good and the joy that was shared while they were here.  Remember the love you shared with them and love your God all the more because of them.

 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed.    Psalms 34:18

As Paul would say:
Be full of joy in the Lord always. I will say again, be full of joy. Philippians 4:4
  

"Today I'm gonna be happy" (February 2013)

Collection of old poems:

"Today I'm gonna be happy" (February 2013)

 

Today I’m gonna be happy

Today I’m gonna smile

This is my life to live

I’m gonna keep my head held high

 

This is not the ending

But the beginning so it seems

I’m not gonna let my life blow by

I’m gonna chase after my dreams

 

Today I’m gonna be happy

Today I’m gonna smile

This is my life to live

I’m gonna keep my head held high

 

Cause I am worth so much more

Than I’ve ever thought before

And I will not be ashamed

Of the man I am today

 

I’ve got a kind and gentle heart

I stay strong when others fall apart

And I can do most anything

That I set my mind to do

 

So

Today I’m gonna be happy

Today I’m gonna smile

This is my life to live

I’m gonna keep my head held high

 

My happiness depends upon me and me alone

It’s a choice I have to make

 I have to make it on my on

 

So

Today I’m gonna be happy

Today I’m gonna smile

This is my life to live

I’m gonna keep my head held high

 

"Girl, I’ll always love you" (February 2013)

Collection of old poems:

 

"Girl, I’ll always love you" (February 2013)

 

Girl, I’ll always love you,

But there’s something you should know.
I can’t keep living my life this way,
Girl, I’ve got to go.
 
We tried to save our marriage, but we tried a little late.
Now I’ve got to go before distrust turns to hate
Funny to think we used to be the envy of them all,
Back when we were rising, well before the fall.
 
Girl, I’ll always love you,
But there’s something you should know.
I can’t keep living my life this way,
Girl, I’ve got to go.
 
Can’t believe I’m leaving the woman of my dreams,
All because of a living nightmare and a man I’ve never seen.
Strange to think I’m in that place you were a year before,
You’re just so damn distant and I’m not happy anymore.
 
Girl, I’ll always love you,
But there’s something you should know.
I can’t keep living my life this way,
Girl, I’ve got to go.
 
Understand that the only thing that is here to stay,
Is the pain that I'll feel inside of me each and everyday
I don’t regret all the years I’ve spent being by your side
Just how blind I was to all your needs and to all your lies
 
You always seem distracted; say you’re tired all the time
You don’t show me affection and act like that is fine
Seems to me your living a double life again
So I can’t stay, this has to be the end
 
Girl, I’ll always love you,
But there’s something you should know.
I don’t think it’s all your fault
Girl, I’ll take my share of blame.
Girl, I’ll always love you,
But girl, I’ve got to go.

"Travel Away" (February 2013)

Collection of old poems:

"Travel Away" (February 2013)
 
There's holes in my pockets
 And bills left to pay
So I pack up my bags
 And I travel away

 To a place I can work 14 hours a day
 But 7 days a week is just so hard to stand
 Takes someone as cold as the steel in my boot
 Guess in the end I'm just that kind of man

 There's scars on my hands & burns in my cloths
 My eyes are heavy & my knees are weak
 My body is aching and blisters on my feet
 But I'll do whatever to provide I suppose

 There's holes in my pockets
 And bills left to pay
 So I pack up my bags
 And I travel away

 Gotta put the food on the table for my family back home
 Being away from my wife and babies is so very hard
 But there's a mortgage, there's daycare, and so many other needs
 So I put on this hardhat & keep punching this card

 There were holes in my pockets
 And bills left to pay
 So I packed up my bags
 And I traveled away

 Now there's holes in my soul
 And no bills left to pay
 So I packed up my bags
 I'm coming home to stay

"Miles and Miles apart" (January 2013)

Collection of old poems:

"Miles and Miles apart" (January 2013)

.when we're. miles and miles apart
.I get. a sadness in my heart
.I wish that. we were together
.cause then I'd. Feel so much better

.oh I can't wait. To leave this place
.and finally look. Upon your face
.Its so damn hard. To be so far from you
.oh Lord tell me. Just what to do

.When we're. miles and miles apart
.with so much. sadness in my heart
.I grab that bible. By my bed
.and soon. my soul is fed

.its what. Gets me through the day
.and tells me. That every things ok
.I can read. the book of Psalms
.the pain. will soon be gone

.or I can read. the song of songs
.and know that. I won't be gone long
.cause your a lily. among thorns
.and its you. That I adore

.when we're. miles and miles apart
.and I get. A sadness in my heart
.and wish that. We where together
.and that. I felt so much better

.I know that. when we're miles and miles apart
..god can take the pain. From my heart
.because. I can trust in him
.until the very end

"In his arms" (January 2013)

Collection of old poems:

"In his arms" (January 2013)

 

I leave in the morning to go so far away,

Lord use this to draw us closer, for this is what I pray.

 

I had a dream, she felt alone and her bed was cold.

Then I dreamed a scary thought, she had someone to hold.

 

I realized it was a dream,  but that it would still come true.

I heard a voice asking me, "why do you feel so blue?"

 

"Have no fear, this short time here, you surely will get thru."

"Have some faith my child, my son., for I make all thing new."

 

"She reads my words, I'm sure you've heard, they're mighty as a sword."

"So be at ease she found her comfort in the arms of the Lord."

 

 

(2 Chronicles 20:15)

"Do not be afraid nor be dismayed because of this great multitude,

 for the battle is not yours, but God's "

"Is she really mine" ( January 2013)

Collection of old poems:

 

"Is she really mine" ( January 2013)

 

Do I really have her, is she really mine?

Everything seams so great, it all seams so fine.

Will I forever live with doubt in my mind?

Or will it ebb away with the passing of the time?

I still have a fear of losing her, my heart is on the line.

Our marriage is getting stronger, but temptation is always close behind.

The past keeps coming back, if only to remind.

Do I really have her, is she really mine?

"Untitled" (Christmas eve 2012)

Collection of old poems:

 

"Untitled" (Christmas eve 2012)

 

"Dear Lord, I pray you help me drop my stones" (scribbled hastily atop the page)

 

 

I worship you on this joyous day

My Lord, my Savior, your gift I can't repay

 

You made yourself to take my place

So full of love and amazing grace

 

Its still so hard to comprehend

Your love never fails, it has no end

 

And from your love, forgiveness flows

Like handfuls of stones that nobody throws

 

Jesus your worthy of all of our praise

And I'll love you forever, till the end of my days

"TELL ME I'M MORE" (FALL 2012)

Collection of old poems:

"Tell me I'm more" (FALL 2012)

Who am I God
Who can I be
Tell me I'm more
Than what people see

They see that I'm weak
They've seen all my sin
Tell me I'm more
Than I've ever been

I've always been
Who I've chosen to be
It's the hand I was dealt
 I played right along
Tell me I'm more
Because you're never wrong

He died for me
So I live again
Oh father in heaven
Let your will be done
Tell me I'm more
Because of your son

I choose your love
And choose to believe
I surrender to you
All that is me
Tell me I'm more
Because you set me free

Who am I God
Who can I be
Tell me I'm more
And for you I will be

"What it means to be strong" (November 2012)

Collection of old poems:

"What it means to be strong" (November 2012)

All my life I've been taken for granted

I showed them kindness, they treated me ruthless

I showed them love, they pushed and they shoved

I showed them grace, they spit in my face

I showed them mercy, they repaid it adversely

I showed them forgiveness, they mistook it for weakness

God were they wrong, they just don't know what it means to be strong

You taught me kindness,  when you healed their blindness

You taught me love, when you were sent from above

You taught me grace, when you died in my place

You taught me mercy, when you wouldn't let the devil continue to hurt me

You taught me forgiveness, with the gift of your greatness

For the rest of my life,

I'll never take you for granted,

 Jesus I love you,

thank you for teaching me,

What it Means to be Strong

"It belongs to you" (November 2012)

Collection of old poems:

"It belongs to you" (November 2012)

As I lie down and close my eyes I pray against my fears
Let me dream of happy things, laughter and good cheer

But soon the sandman comes and leads me down a path
He leads me to my wicked thoughts, my fears, and to my wrath

When I'm there it feels so real, the pain, it's like brand new
I've seen some things, done by me, that only the devil would do

As I wake drenched in sweat and wipe away my tears
I know it's him that haunts my dreams and whispers in my ears

He preys upon my weakness, and the pain that's from my past
But I stand against him, from today until last

I pray to you my Lord, my God, and feel my strength renew
The devil may try to take my soul, but it Belongs to You.

"Can we go to Grandmaw's house" (October 2009)

Collection of old poems:

"Can we go to Grandmaw's house" (October 2009)

Daddy can we go to Grandmaw's house, if only for the day?
You know we love it there, can we go and play?

She greets us with a smile that reminds us of you,
And if we're lucky she'll make us cookies too.

We love it when she reads us stories and rocks us in her arms,
And when she lets us fish and rides us around the farm.

We love to go to Grandmaw's house where we can run and play,
And when it's time to leave she gives us kisses and sends us on our way.

"Dreams and Dreams of you 2" (September 2009)

Collection of old poems:

"Dreams and Dreams of you 2" (September 2009)

As I lie in bed with my eyes closed tight,
I drift off to dreamland as I rest for the night.

I could hear children laughing and playing close to me,
Though try as I may the children I could  not see.

I swear I thought I knew them, but who could it be.
It was my unborn children that called out to me.

Daddy do you love me and do you love me too?
I say of course I love you, I love the both of you.

As I lie in bed awake, for the day is new,
I smile and think about dreams and dreams of you two.

"My blue eyed Babies" (September 2009)

Collection of old poems:

"My blue eyed babies" (September 2009)

Just like your daddy, will your eyes be blue?
Just like you granddaddy, will your eyes be blue?
Just like your great-granddaddy, will your eyes be blue?
If your just like your momma and your brown eyes aren't blue,
I'll love you just as much with a love that's just as true.

"Whitley Faye" (August 2009)

Collection of old poems:

"Whitley Faye" (August 2009)

There was a little girl, her name was Whitley Faye,
And she hugged her daddy's neck each and every day.

She loved to be read stories as she sat in daddy's lap,
And when she got tired he would lay her down to take a nap.

She had a smile that could bring a tear to his eye,
And pain to his heart when he had to hear her cry.

There was a little girl, her name was Whitley Faye,
And her daddy was wrapped around her finger each and every day.

"Princess" (August 2009)

Collection of old poems:

"Princess" (August 2009)

I'm married to a princess, but I'm no king you see
I met her in a trailer, surrounded by poverty

Someone else sent her flowers, but he did not impress
And when she came to thank him, I wrote upon her flesh

She found me kind of funny, the jester I seem to be
So after years of dating, I asked her, to spend her life with me.

I'm married to a princess, but I'm no king you see
I'm married to a princess, and happy as can be.

"ALONE" (January 2004)

Collection of old poems:

"ALONE" (January 2004)

I AM ALONE, I AM ALONE

WHO CAN HEAR MY CRY

 

I AM ALONE, I AM ALONE

WHO WILL HEAR MY CRY

 

I AM ALONE, SHE LEFT ME HERE

SHE DIDN'T HEAR MY CRY

 

SHE CAME HOME, I AM ALONE

SHE DIDN'T HEAR ME CRY

 

I AM ALONE, I AM ALONE

WHO WILL HEAR MY CRY

 

I AM ALONE I AM ALONE

ONLY I CAN HEAR MY CRY

Holiday season...ugh

So it begins, another holiday season.....Not that I don't like holidays it's just that I would love to throat punch whoever crammed all these damn holidays into the end of the year!  I always get stressed out with all the traveling around, (should be a nice flight to see the in-laws for Thanksgiving....2 five year olds and a five month old....I almost feel sorry for anyone on the same flight) and the shopping.....the shopping....ugh....I hate shopping.  Why am I so tired all of a sudden?  Wow just the thought of these two things is enough to drain me,  the mental and physical exhaustion has already set in....

Here it is, that time again

can't you feel that cold crisp wind

 Shorter days and longer nights
soon it's time for a holiday flight
I wonder if Whitley will throw up again
hell who knows maybe this time Wren
Packing and traveling two things I hate
I may need a Valium by the departure gate
Three little heathens up in the air
the other passengers should be pulling their hair
A week at the in-laws can be something to fear
but I'll be alright as long as there's beer
Here we are home again
not long till the birthday party's begin
Two turning five it happened so fast
I hope they both think their party's a blast
Then Christmas shopping comes along
I'm gonna charge it, charge it, while singing a song
Then hurry hurry let it be spring
does anyone else know what I mean
Next year I'm doing something my wife will hate
because come winter time I think I'll just hibernate



 

It's always been her

Maybe it was the innocence in her eyes or her gorgeous smile or simply the fact that she was nothing like me.  Still to this day I can't say what it was about her that I liked so much,  all I knew was I wanted her...I wanted her in every way....I wanted her like I had never wanted anything else.  It scared the hell out of me, because at that point in my life I wanted nothing...I had nothing.  The closest thing I had to a want at that time was a want to numb the pain from a troubled childhood, a want to numb the pain from past broken hearts, a want to numb the pain from the life I had all but given up on....I was pretty good at numbing it too
Then "she" walked into my life,  this beautiful young girl with long brown hair and stunning brown eyes.  I have no idea what she ever saw in me back then... I was nothing but trouble...but what ever it was I'm glad she did.  I still remember the day we met.  I still remember our first kiss...I was so scared to kiss her, it took me two weeks to build up the courage.....I was hooked.  Nothing else mattered anymore... nothing but her...she was the reason I got up every day...she consumed my every thought...was in my every dream...I lived only for her. 
Though our lives together have been anything but normal,  though I've still felt pain,  I've still felt loneliness, I've still felt lost at times  I wouldn't trade a day of being with her for anything in this world.  I've felt more loved,  felt more compassion, felt more understood, and felt more passion than I could have ever known.  I still may not yet know everything about her but then I've yet to learn everything about myself.  It's been fourteen years, 168 months,  728 weeks,  5110 days, 8 years of marriage,   4 addresses changes,  3 beautiful kids,  2 lives intertwined forever,  and 1 hell of a ride.
I still watch her while she sleeps,  I still melt at her embrace,  I still remain lost when we're apart, she still consumes my every thought, she's still the reason I wake up every morning,  she's still in my every dream,  and I still live for her.........
Her.....It's always been her 

A Small Deceit

What’s the harm in such a small deceit

After all I’m just being discreet

You know it’s just a small white lie

And the only reason for my alibi

I only did it to avoid your ragging

Because I knew that you’d be nagging

 

I know you think this how it begins

The first step toward a bigger sin

From half-truths to full lies

Hard so see thru smoky eyes

You know it’s all I’d keep from you

The things I’ve done before are thru

Selfish

Do you ever think of yourself as selfish?  Chances are that if you don't have kids you may not yet realize the extent of your selfishness. I for one am the exception....ha.  I would like to be able to say that without being a liar.  The truth is that I am extremely selfish.  I miss being able to sleep in, or hell just being able to sleep at all without being woken up every two hours by the hunger cries of a one month old. (Not that I wouldn't gladly do anything for that beautiful little girl.....just saying) I get jealous of the people that get to go out and do things. I wish we had the stereo typical parents who always wanted to watch and babysit the grand kids.  I wish I didnt sometimes get jealous of my kids and the closeness they have with my wife; although so greatful that they have a mother that loves them so much I still at times long for the closeness my wife and I used to share with each other.  We used to share everything with one another......now it's more like we share everything about our kids but that seems to be the extent of it anymore.  I know all of this sounds awfully selfish, it is! That's my point.  It's a part of me that I had never really noticed until I had kids, but then again I did pretty much what ever I wanted back then.  I guess you don't really notice your selfish tendencies until you find something worth give them up for.  The thoughts or more so the feelings that drive that selfishness are still present but there is something more important that is out weighing  that internal drive.  Even though that goes on, I know I am still selfish.  I want more than I receive from friends, my job, my family.  I want more emotion and passion from my wife than I know she can give.  I want my kids to grow and do things that they aren't quite ready for (their just kids, I was way worse). I want God to fix things in my life but more often than not I don't follow what he calls me to do.  SELFISH!!!   We all are. We're just born that way.  As selfish as I am, and knowing that, I still get angry at the selfishness of others.  I am what I dislike in others. I am me, more me than I would like at times.

       
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4)

 He must increase, but I must decrease. (John 3:30)

Waiting and wanting

There is a lust, a passion a must

that's missing from my life

a desire of my wife

I want, I need

your eyes full of fire

you with a desire

wanting and needing

and pulling me in

a mutual embrace

and passion in place

you wanting, me wanting

gripping and grabbing

not convince and give in

you laying, me doing

so quickly we're thru with

So for now it's me waiting

for you to be wanting

something with feeling

something with meaning

So for now it's me waiting

So for now it's me waiting

 

zzz

"Sleep" is not a four letter word, but yet hold your tongue when speaking such things in the presents of the zombified.  Those who have those weary, dreary, blood shot eyes.  Those with the  drooping head and the distant gaze.  Those incoherent  mumbling fools.  You know the ones!?  The ones who used to be so articulate, intelligent, elegant, and funny.  The ones who seem to have lost their edge.  The ones who have one foot off the ledge.  Those lost somewhere between insomnia and narcolepsy.  They hear your words and nod along but its clear there's no one there.  Don't mention your night, or your rest, or napping;  and what every you do never say you're "tired too".  For  those zombies; with the weary, dreary, blood shot eyes;  are at the verge and just like that...BOOM!...they'll SNAP!  It's not their fault you've been forewarned.

"Hello new baby......good bye to sl**p...zzz

And the days did pass on by

Passion & Lust

Happiness & Trust

and the days did pass on by

Rings & Bells

Kisses & Veils

and the days did pass on by

Babies & Smiles

Laundry & Piles

and the days did pass on by

Passion & Lust

Pain & Disgust

and the days did pass on by

Talking & Saying

Thinking & Praying

and the days did pass on by

Loving & Living

Staying & Forgiving

and the days did pass on by

Clear & Hazy 

Beautiful & Crazy

Marriage & Life

of a

Husband & Wife

Happily worn

His alarm rings, its time to rise
Its hard to see behind his tired eyes
"Could it be so soon again?"
"I've only just fallen asleep my friend"
The clock just sits and blinks
Off to work, "Oh this stinks"
I seek out coffee, strong and black,
To give the energy that I lack.
Faster, faster, I drive my truck,
"Late again, just my luck"
My eyes a weary, dark, and sagging
My feet are heavy, my boots are dragging
The work drags on and on and on
"How much longer till this day is gone?"
"Oh thank God, it's finally here!"
Time for that unwinding beer.
That was nice, but no time to dawdle
 Just remember, your still a father
"Daddy's home!", I hear them say
"Build this, fix this, come and play!"
Their energy level is up to ten
Just let me catch my second wind
Dinner, bathes, its all so hectic
Hope my wife doesn't feel neglected
Lock the doors and turn the lights
Its finally time for the night
I'm in my bed, I close my eyes
but not for long, the baby cries
Wide awake, and on my way
"I love you enough to do this everyday"
Sweet little baby in my arms
Next thing you know, there goes my alarm.......



 

Weight of the world

     In life our burdens can some times feel light and at others (most of the time) they can weigh you down.  Being a husband, a father, an employee; it can sometimes feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.  We all have the normal weight of our responsibilities and duties; I don't consider these to be burdens, though they can be quite trying at times and even down right difficult.  The burdens I am talking about are those that only affect you if you let them. The anger, disgust and disdain for a coworker,  that painful memory of the past,  unfounded and unspecific worry for the future, my wife is pregnant sexual frustration.......
     Life tends to throw plenty of heavy things on you from time to time, but one thing I have to be reminded  every now and then is that things are only as big and as heavy as you let them be.  Life doesn't have to be difficult,  we sometimes make mountains out of mole hills, we let our minds  blow them up into these huge weights and stack them up and carry them around.  The quicker we can let go and move on the less we feel the pressure, the less we feel burdened by them.  We're not meant to carry some burdens for very long.  There's a peace that comes from giving your burdens to God, the one that has the strength to carry them.  Its something that I have to do over and over again, because I have this bad habit of picking the same burdens back up again.  Maybe I just enjoy the feeling of giving it back to him.

 

 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.   For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  (Matthew 11:28-30)

Have you been stressed?

    A few days ago I noticed a strange rash on my chest and paid it little mind, as I considered it insignificant.  The next day the same looking rash  now appeared on my armpit as well as my back. Maybe there is something to it after all I thought, so I took the day off of work to go have it checked out.  Well, to be honest I  needed a break from the stresses of work and just used it as an excuse to myself in justifying this day of relaxation.  As it turns out the rash is actually "Shingles",  great this should be fun,  which my doctor believes was triggered by stress.  He asked me if there was anything that would have put me under stress in the last week or so. HA! Just the thought of him asking me that makes me laugh!  Oh the absurdity,  what hasn't happened to make me stress would have been a much easier question to answer. 

   Its been an eventful few week to say the least. My wife's birthday was last weekend and our dog ate the UPS package off the front porch that contained her present (along with a hundred other thing he's been hungry for).  My in-laws came in town,  we get along great, but none the less it is always stressful having guests from out of town. My son started soccer.  His first game was last Saturday, which I missed because of work. (...did I mention that the dog ate both of his new soccer balls)  My little girl started gymnastics, she's awesome at it and really enjoys it.  I missed her first class, but made it to her second one on Monday.  My nerves were on end because of all the kids running rampant in the hallway, but it was worth it to she her having so much fun.  Work has been busy and stressful as always with constant problems to resolve and prevent, and the ever looming schedule (too much to do and not enough time). Also my wife being pregnant and having four year old twins  presents its own ever present stresses on me.

   Although I know that God puts nothing on us that we can't handle, it is far too easy to fall into worrying and stressing  about things.  When I say that he puts nothing on us that we can't handle I do not mean alone,  there are many times that just one thing is too much for me to handle.  Its just a fact of life that the burdens of this world are too much for us that is why we must not carry them on our own,  but rather give them to God for his burden is light.  I forget often that my greatest strength is not my own and  that no matter the situation  I don't have to face anything alone.  So, like so many of us I too must remember that when I am feeling weak and overwhelmed I just need to ask God.  Not to ask him to spare me from those situations, but rather pray that he gives me strength to endure and through that feel his presence and be reminded that I am not alone.  

 

 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.   (Philippians 4:13)

 
Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word  (Psalm 119:114)
 
And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.  (Luke 18:27)
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  (Matthew 11:28-30)


       

Make Time

Wow! I knew it had been a while since the last time I had made a post, didn't realize it was quite this long though.  I guess life just has a way of becoming burdensome from time to time,  but in those times you tend to learn something about yourself.  For there are things that you will make time for and there are things that get pushed to the side, whether or not you are willing to admit it, the things that you make time for are the things that are important to you.  Apparently this blog didn't quite make the cut here recently, though I have missed it, it has been a great tool for me in sorting out my thoughts (hard to write something down without understanding it more).  I would like to sit here and say that I only made time for things that most would consider truly noble and worthy,  but then I would only be doing myself an injustice by looking back through rose colored glasses.  The truth is that all of us tend to have this list of things that we say our important to us (our wives, our kids,  our mothers, our fathers, our friends, our church, & so on),  and then we have  "the reality" of what we make time for in our lives.  When we look at this list ("the reality" list) our priorities tend to look a little different,  and by most accounts not nearly and noble and worthy.  I am no different,  just looking back on this past week I cringe a little.  I missed my little girls first gymnastics class and my sons first soccer game because I had to work, but then again I somehow managed to take off 3 hours early to play golf on Friday.  This is  not where I thought my priorities were when I started writing nor what I thought I was writing about when I started,  but I believe the Spirit has a way of showing us what we need to see when we need to see it. (though sometimes it feels like ripping a Band-Aid off and all the hair with it)  Its not always a pretty picture looking into a mirror at who we really are, when we compare it with the photo shopped image in our mind of who we thought we were we can better understand what we really want to be important and what we need to do to make time for what truly is important.  

Ephesians 5:15-16
Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

Letter to my daugther

Tonight is the second year for me and my daughter to attend the "Father/Daughter Ball" with our church and like last year I wrote her a letter.  I thought I would record it on here, just incase it gets lost like last year.  (She is only four now and I thought I would save it till she could read it herself)

Whitley Faye,

    

     I want you to know how much you mean to me and how much I truly love you.  You mean the world to me and no matter what, you always will!  I want you to know how beautiful you are.  I could never have imagined having a daughter as beautiful as you are, or one that is as much fun as you are.  You are a pretty awesome little girl and I know that one day you will be an amazing women!  I want you to know that I will always be there for you, always protect you, and do everything in my power to always provide for your needs.  God made you perfect , perfectly the way he wanted you, perfectly the way he needed you; and never let anyone tell you any different.  God has a plan for you and the many wonderful abilities and gifts he has given you.  I look forward to watching you grow and seeing what God has in store for you.

 

                                                                                                                                            I Love You      

                                                                                                                -Daddy Boo Boo 

                                                                                                                     2/13/14        

Lucky Man

Just sitting here at work, waiting to get off, and I can't help but think about how lucky I am.  Lucky to have a good job to provide for my family.  Lucky to have a great family to provide for.  I've got an awesome wife who set me up an appointment for a one hour massage after work today.  Like I said,  awesome wife!  I can't even start to put into words how lucky I feel to have her.  I've got two amazing kids who have surpassed any and all expectations of what I could have imagined before they were here.  Fatherhood has been by far one of the most rewarding things in my life and I am so looking forward to multiplying that feeling with our next child.  I get to see some sneak peeks on Monday at the "anatomy ultra sound".  I can't begin to what this one is going to be like.  Is it a girl, is it a boy?  Will he look like me? Will she have her mothers eyes?  Will he be good at legos like his brother?  Will she be obsessed with toenail polish like her sister?  I'm so excited to be a father again!  I truly am a Lucky Man.  Or to say it better, I am a Blessed Man.

Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord.     (Psalms 127:3)

Can't wait to meet you

Thought I would share this awesome sneak peek of my newest little miracle!!!  I can't wait to meet him (or her)!  I must say that not finding out if this new bundle of joy is a boy or girl is way more exciting than I ever thought it would.  We have a long way to go, and I mean a long way to go,  I look forward to the excitement and suspense that we will have as we guess and predict it along the way.  Even more so, I look forward to the day when I get to hold that little baby in my arms!!  I love you and can't wait to meet you .   Hurry up and get here, I miss you already.

-Daddy Boo Boo

Psalm 139:13 For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb.

I hate you hormones

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, that it's just not quite good enough.  I like to think that I am a fairly capable human being, until my wife is pregnant that is!  At that time I apparently lose my ability to preform even the most basic of tasks to even a somewhat satisfactory level.  Laundry,  how hard can this one be?  You simply put the cloths in, add detergent,  and turn it on right?  Wrong.  Apparently you can not wash towels with a Candy Cane Princess Dress!  Of coarse not, all the candy canes fall off and the little mesh skirt will be ripped to shreds!  You can not put your wife's clothes away for her either, this is a no-no,  you have no idea where they go, and will have no idea what you did with them when she come to you asking what the hell you did with them. (Side note: never wash the pile of clothes next to the laundry hamper,  yes they are dirty, but they must be hand washed by Asian monks in a sacred mountain stream with detergent that fell from the sky during the eclipse of a blue moon. aka: they're delicates, don't touch them)

Moving on, because I am clearly unfit for laundry duty.  Shall we try to help in the kitchen?  Oh look the dish washer is full,  this should be easy let me put these away this should be helpful.  Wrong!  Wrong? How could I have screwed this up you might ask?  I was asking my self this same question.  My wife: "Did you put those dishes away that where in the dishwasher?"  Me: (very proud of myself for doing so and happy that she noticed) "Why yes I did, your welcome."  My wife's next comments were not entirely what I had expected, you know gracious, thankful, loving, and whatnot.  In fact they where quite the opposite!  My question is how the hell was I supposed to know that she had shut the dishwasher off halfway through so that she could hear the TV last night?  Do you think that she could tell they weren't clean if she didn't have this key bit of information that I was oblivious of?  Surely any halfway competent person would have noticed and simply restarted the dishwasher rather than put dirty dishes in every cabinet in the kitchen! Surely?!?  So I said to myself, "Self, you just aren't cut out for doing the dishes."

So... being incompetent  at the most basic of basic house hold tasks I find myself in a position to not be of much use to my pregnant wife.  So when the time came that she asked me to get her a glass of water, I complied without hesitation.  I brought her a glass of water into the living room where she was lying on the couch,  by the time I get back to the kitchen I hear a very frustrated yell "BABE!"
What could possibly be wrong with that?!  My preggo wife was apparently too tired to sit up to drink her water and had spilt most of it on her shirt.  This was all my fault, she let me know: "Babe you put too damn much water in the glass and I spilt it!"  How stupid of me for not realizing that a pregnant woman has the same coordination when it comes to drinks as my two four-year old kids do.  I hate you hormones, I hate you!


  Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Sick in the head

People that know me and my family (friends, coworkers, relatives) used to joke and say that I needed more kids and to be honest the thought scared the crap out of me for the longest time.   I mean they were right from they're point of view, my life is pretty hectic at times with just two kids.  But, it only takes the littlest thing from one of my kids for me to know that my life is going to be so much better when "plus one" arrives. So just hang with me as I attempt to take you on a journey thru my chaotic life and distorted thought process.  

   Well it's the season, nope, not holiday, not winter, not the season of new beginnings and resolutions. It's flu season, or as I call it "cold,flu,stomach bug,out of sick days, this freakin sucks season".  It started for us a week and a half before Christmas, we where hit with the first assault on our bodies as well as our sanity. Colds, fevers, coughs, began on a Monday; luckily for me I felt like crap all week but was far too busy with pre-schedualed inspections to miss work. So my wife got to be the one to miss a whole week of work to take care of sick kids.  My daughter ended up having an ear infection that was (of coarse why not) treated with an antibiotic that broke her out in hives and made her throw up. 

So fast forward thru two whole weeks of varying degrees of sickness for each of us to this past Sunday, one of the highlights of my year.   I'd been running a fever and sweating buckets since Saturday morning, so I felt like crap. As I lie on the couch that afternoon while my wife gives the kids their bath in our bathroom that evening I hear my wife yell "Wyatt run to the other bathroom".  That's never good to hear.  A split second later, a butt naked blond haired  soaking wet little boy goes flying thru the living room like bat outta hell. As rounds the corner thru the hallway a turd flings out onto our white carpet (YAY),  as this happens he swings around like he going to pick it up of something?!? I yell, "keep going!!"  He's done, back in the bath, carpet cleaned! That sucked, I feel like crap, back on the couch. 

Hours later, probably past mid-night now, my wife and I wake up to a coughing sound that turns into a throw-up sound.  My little girl just yacked up pizza all over the white carpet, well my wife managed to catch some in my shirt.  Just great another one sick,  brown and red stains in the carpet,  and I've managed to sweat up every set of sheet in the house in the last few nights.  My home is now a living experiment of Murphy's Law (anything that can happen will happen).  My daughter and I have now been quariantined to the spare room for the remainer of the night.  We wake up to a deserted house, guess everyone else went to school and work,  just us here to fend for ourselves.  This is when I realize just how magical sickness is.  My little girl who never stops moving or talking  is too sick to do either,  all she can do is snuggle with me on the couch and watch movies.  I got to enjoy two whole days of this little angle wanting no one but her daddy, and even though I was sick too I loved every minute of it.  I can't wait to be sick with the next one, I must be sick in the head.

Proverbs 17:22 Be Joyful
A joyful heart is good medicine, But a broken spirit dries up the bones.