Friends in Need, in Need of my Friend

In my life there have been many people that I have called my friend. Though many have come and gone though out my life, either my  choice or their, or just by circumstances outside of either one our control. Sometimes it happens out of misunderstanding and stubbornness, this is the case with me now. I have sat by idle and waited as I believe he has as well. I know that we will pick up right where we left off, like we always do (never miss a beat), when we come back around.

I think about him and pray for him often but at times I get so frustrated with him. He is an amazing person and has a way with people and could use that gift to help people, but burdened with the weight of an addiction the has wreaked havoc on his life for as long as I have known him. I been in those places in my own life, a endless cycle of self destruction, and there is hope. In my own life I have a hard time not being reminded of the song "It ain't the Whiskey". There is always a painful past that initiated this perpetual cycle of self defeat. It's so easy to give up on someone who has given up on themselves, but would I be where I am today if not for the ones who believed in me when I had no belief in myself?

I love this man like a brother, and it kills me to think that he wandered back into my life (for a reason no doubt) and I let him wander back out. I was really put in my place by my son when we were saying our prayers last night. We got to the point in our prayers where we were praying for him and my son asked me, "where is he?" I told my son "I don't know", but in my mind I just thought "Lost". That's when it really hit me, I have been stubbornly waiting for him to call me or contact me. Those that are lost need to be found, those that fall need to be helped back up, and I miss my friend and need him back around.


A friend loves at all times... (Proverbs 17:17)


Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (Ecclesiastes 4:9-11)


A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)

Faith in things Hoped for

Have faith. Have faith that God will take care of what belongs to him. Has he not done so with us? Has he not guided us, cared for us, put people and events in our lives to better us? Who better to know what should be, what will be, what must be? Are our days not accounted for in his book; his book that contains all that was and is and is to come? Our God that know the number of hairs on our heads, the number of stars in the sky. In Gods hands are the things to which we have no control over; as well as the things that we "think" that we do have control over. To HOPE for the things we desire is a good and natural thing. But as we learn from Hebrews 11:1 "...FAITH is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things unseen." With hope we must also have faith. Hope is powerful, faith is powerful; as they should be for they both come from God. The greatest thing from God is Love. When we truly love him and put our hope and faith in him, we can fully trust that everything will happen as it should. Happen as he has planned, this I know is true. He knows the desires of our hearts, the wants and needs of our souls, the love that is in us , the greatness we are to become in his name. He loves us enough to provide us with what we need, not always what we want but what we need as only he can know. So we must have faith in him, faith that he will provide, faith that he will give us what is his to give, faith that we will be good stewards of what he entrusts to us.


For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. (Psalm 139:13-16)

Don't Worry in Ourselves

In life we all have worries; worries about our past, worries about our present, and worries about our future; but it is not for us to control therefor it is not for us to worry. To those of us who are called the children of God, Jesus tells us: "let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid". When we worry, we are saying that we have doubt that God will take care of us, or that we are unwilling to suffer for his sake. God never said that life would be easy or that we would be free from suffering or that everything would go as we planned. Life is sometimes hard and we are called to suffer for his name, but everything will go as he has planned.

God's plan, that is what we are to trust in, that is where our confidence comes from, that is the reason we don't have to worry. Trusting in the Lord echoes throughout the bible. Psalms...."where does my help come from? my help comes from the Lord..."...."when I am afraid, I put my trust in you". Proverbs......"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." To let go of worry and to trust fully in God is not an easy thing to do, we are pre conditioned to worry and trust is something that comes with being close and develops over time. God wants us to grow closer to him over time, to always be moving toward him, to trust him fully, to hand our burdens and worries over to him. In whom else can we trust if not in him? Surely not ourselves, I know my own track record for what worrying has accomplished in my life and I gladly give my worry to him. Walk and talk closer with God and your trust in him will grow. Trust that he has a plan. Trust that all things work together for our good and his glory. Don't worry in ourselves but trust in him.

Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel. (Philippians 4:6-7)

Who are you when no ones looking?

"Who are you when no ones looking?" I think this question is hard for anyone to reflect upon, because I think it can sometimes be that our greatest flaws are not so easily seen in ourselves. I myself have many many flaws that I am aware of and I'm sure I have a far greater number that I have no clue about. There are parts of me that I tend to hide from others, as I think many of us do. At times I am envious or jealous of others. At times I get angry or depressed about silly things that shouldn't matter. I snap at my kids when I'm moody, I'm distant and critical of every word or action of my wife when I feel I'm not getting the attention I feel I deserve. I drink too much and act an ass sometimes. If there was someone else writing this my short list of flaws would me much much longer I'm sure. I think we all tend to hide a part of ourselves to avoid criticism, but I also believe we do this out of fear of changing.
I know for a huge part of my life I avoided church and avoided God (or at least I thought I could avoid him) for this very reason. I was afraid that he would change me, afraid that I would miss out on the sinful way of life I had always lived, afraid that to change meant to give up so much. Little did I know that that was exactly what would happen when I stopped running from him and avoiding him. Even more of a surprise to me was how much I would love how he is changing me, how I don't miss the man I was or the life I thought I had, how everything I've given up had never really given me joy, how he has given me things that I didn't even know I was missing.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want a side of me that no one sees. I want to be free, free to be criticized about my flaws, free to change each day into something so much more than I was yesterday, free to stumble, free to ask for help, free to give help, free to be who God wants me to be. I want to be able to ask myself that same question in the future; "who are you when no ones looking?"; and to be able to truthfully answer myself "exactly who God wants you to be".

Psalms 139:1-10

You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

Obstacles

Have you ever had the feeling that the better you try to be or the more righteous you feel your cause is, that some obstacle always seems to get in the way? Well your right, because I have found in my own life and in my own endeavors that this is more the norm than the exception. This is because the enemy is content to not get in your way when your are already in your own way. He comes alive, ferociously slings obstacles in our way, and attempts to do anything he can to knock us off course when we are heading down the right path. That is how I know that I am doing a good work because the enemy is rarely silent at those times. You just have to not get dismayed or frightened by those obstacles and  not lose sight of where you are headed. Look to the word of God for your inspiration and those obstacles become easily navigable.

Psalms 119:105 tells us: "Your word is a lamp to my feet (making your journey easier to navigate) And a light to my path. (reminding you of where you are headed)

Hopeful

Today I am full of hope; hopeful of things to come, hopeful of things unseen, hopeful that what has yet to fully develop will do so in time. What does it mean to be hopeful? Hope. Hope is the culmination of wanting the fulfillment of ones dreams, the driving force behind those dreams, the anticipation of something greater than today. We all have hopes, hopes for our future here in this world and eternity, hopes for our marriage, hopes for the path of our children, hopes for the health of our loved ones, hopes that our lives will happen the way we want. Hope is a great thing, but is much more powerful when accompanied with prayer. In the end it is all in God's hands. John 5:14 tells us "If we ask anything according to his will, he hears", and Mark 11:24 tells us "Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them." I believe these go hand in hand, because to fully believe that you will receive them you must also believe that it is the will of God, part of his all powerful plan for our lives. I think sometimes God lets us think we know part of the plan then proves us wrong so he can change us into something more, something more useful in his plan. Other times I have no doubt what his plans are for me and my life. He gives us both to strengthen our faith, because there is only one "right way" for our lives to play out and that is according to the will of God. So I will continue to be hopeful, I will continue to pray, and I will continue to faithfully believe in those hopes, dreams, and prayers.




"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
(Hebrews 11:1)

Walking Close and Wandering Away

Just thinking this morning about my own cycles of walking close with God and wandering away. It seems to me that I walk closer to him in times of distress and suffering rather than times of plenty. I'm not sure if this is the case with every follower. One would think that the opposite would be true, that its easier to walk close with God when it seams like he's taking care of you, that somehow your righteousness has something to do with the good times in your life. Or that it would be easier to turn your back on God and forsake him in times of despair, when you have feelings of how could he let this happen to me? Not that I find myself turning from him in the good times; I just know looking back that I have this habit of becoming complacent and not seeking God and his word diligently.
Self reflection is a very humbling experience for me. I know in times of woe I am seeking him every second of every hour of every day, down on my knees crying out to him, lost in his Word, fully in his presents, feeling the Holy Spirit guide and comfort me. Being in a good place at the moment, I find myself longing for that closeness with him. I don't long for pain and suffering, but just to feel that closeness with him that in my life has always come at those times. I guess in those times he knows you don't have anyone to share your experience with, so he is there to share our sufferings. In happy times we tend to be sharing it with those we love which I believe is what God wants for us, as Jesus commanded "love one another as I have loved you."
I guess I may be answering my own unasked question (how can I become closer to God in the good times in my life?) Could it be to just do as I am doing, seek him more diligently? Could it be to seek out those that are suffering in times that I am not? Could it be to get down on my knees and call out to him and thank him and praise him in my times of plenty? I believe that all of these are applicable to my own walk with God. I want nothing more than to close my and see Jesus smiling down on me and for God to use me as an instrument in his plan, a tool for his glory. I will continue to love him and seek him......


"I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me." (Proverbs 8:17)

Rejection and Acceptance

Have you ever felt rejected? I have, and do, at many times in my life. I remember growing up as a child, a younger brother to be exact, and always wanting to hang out with my brother and his friends. I remember not fitting in at school, not really being good at sports, not having many truly meaningful friendships throughout my childhood. I remember not being much of the ladies man, though I had several girlfriends I remember the broken hearts that went with them as well. My point is that rejection is a part of life, it happens to us all, but do the events of our past make us defend against future rejections? Or do they make us view small insignificant things as rejection? Do they make us perceive things the way we want to, the way that is comfortable for us, normal to us, is their a small twisted part of us that is comforted by this perceived rejection? Is there a part of us that tries to be everything to everyone in order to not feel rejected and to feel acceptance from everyone? Do we at times let our past rejections drive us to a self fulfilling prophecy of continued rejection? I have no doubt that my own insecurities have gotten in my way many more times than I would care to admit. I feel that is part of our daily struggle in life, to conquer our past and to break free of the chains of doubt and fear that have bound us to our past experiences. We can do this, we don't have to be restricted in our present because of our past. We can always take heart in the fact that God will never reject us, never turn his back to us, always receive us with open arms. One of my favorite songs (Run to you by Third Day) asks, "if I run to you, will you hold me in your arms?" I also love the ending, "Long before I even thought of returning, your arms were wide open, waiting for me to come home!" Rejection may come from others, but the feeling of rejection really comes from within. We can slowly eliminate these unfounded feelings of rejection by placing our feelings of acceptance and rejection where they should be, in the hands of the one who created us. (fearfully and wonderfully made) Jesus tells us that he will never reject us and that is all the acceptance we should ever need..................................................... "All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away".(John 6:37)

From us or Thru us?

What is from ourselves and what is from God using us for his glory and his plan? We make think, as I have and selfishly still do at times, that anything we do (the good, the bad, & the ugly)comes from ourselves. After closer review of myself and of the things I have done or said at times, their has been more grace in things I've done or words I've said than I am surely capable of. It would even be far too coincidental the chain of events that occur at times, with me being the only one knowing the full scope of my thoughts, events, conversations & whatnot; short of God himself. Therefor I am fully convinced that the Holy Spirit works in us, for us, and absolutely thru us! I for one am so very thankful that God uses me as an instrument and am thankful for the times when I know that he has used others around me as a tool for me.............................................................................."for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fill his good purpose" (Philippians 2:13)

Normally Abnormal Night

Wow. That's all I can say after the  most amazing and simplistic night I had hanging out with my family tonight. Just a normally abnormal night on the farm after work on a Friday night. Spending time talking of work, reminiscing about hunting camp trips with my father and my son, joking about my older brother and his girlfriend being over due to get engaged. Nothing better than sitting around a tailgate, have a few beers, kids laughing and playing, family joking about the past, talking about older extended family in health decline. I don't know if it was thoughts of the past or thoughts of the future, or as I believe the Holy Spirit speaking to me, but I had the most amazing conversation as short as it was with my dad that really touched my heart. Keeping in mind that this man knows nothing of my blog, not a man that thinks highly of time spent online (Facebook, blogging, or whatnot); a man that knows nothing of my feelings (or so I've always thought) of his time spent at work during my childhood. My father looked at me, while propped against the tailgate of a Chevy truck beer in hand watching my kids run and play, as I spoke with him about my weekend plans with my kids and my wife. He looked me right in the eye and said, "THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT"! He was talking about what he feels/felt is important in life. I feel so very fortunate that I learned this early in my life (30+ not that early). I had to restrain the emotional overload I felt from this simple response from him and just simply express my gratitude to him for his hard work and time he spent away from his family. I fully understand the financial difference between what he had to do to provide and what I myself deal with/have dealt with in my own life. I can only say that this is nothing short of the Holy Spirit speaking to me"......................" The Holy Spirit speaks to us deep in our hearts and tells us that we are God's children." (Romans8:16)

Time is Short

    Well it's Friday, for most of you it's the end of the work week, I tend to work most Saturdays myself. This industry I find myself in doesn't lend it self to the "family man". But, I have found that if I push harder during the week to complete my weekly tasks and employee obligations that I for the most part hear no qualms about taking off some Saturdays. I may hear the occasional taunt of "part timer", or something like that. Most of the time these mocking comments are from fellow employees that are just jealous of the time I get to spend with my family or the happiness they see in me when they hear me talk about the great time I got to spend with them.

     Being an hourly employee I do miss out on an extensive amount of overtime pay, but I have come to realize that there are so many thing in life far more important than financial security. Not that financial security isn't important, it's just that how much is enough? If one takes the time to think back on what you have used the hard earned money of working crazy overtime hours or weekend days that weren't really needed but more or less put in just for the benefit of extra income, you may find like I have that it was spent on things wanted rather than things needed. I know what I want and what I need! I need to be able to look back years from now and know that I spent my time were I should have, my time as a father, my time as a husband. I read somewhere today that "the best thing you can spend on your children is your time". I totally agree!

     I remember growing up as a child and not getting to spend much time with my own father, not that he wasn't an awesome dad when he wasn't working. You see I find myself in a very similar situation, because my father and I are in the same industry and it's demands on your time are high. These demands from work are high, but then again so are the needs of your family. One has to find a balance between providing a means for your family and providing time for your family. Even given my childhood, I found myself in a position were I hardly saw my wife and kids; working way to many hours, working out of town for months at a time. I know now that my time with them is very valuable, not just to them but to me as well. I was off last Saturday, I'm leaving work early today and off tomorrow, and I intend to take off many more days to come; weekends, Fridays, in the middle of the week, whenever I can because TIME IS SHORT................................................................. 

" Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are puff of smoke that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." (James 4:14)

Be Bold in your Faith

Well today was a good day. It has been on my heart for a few weeks to go the extra mile to support the spreading of the good news. So I took it upon my self to challenge my co-workers to join me in an attempt to collect 100 boxes for "Operation Christmas Child" (OCC), of course I sent out a mass email to 400+ employees all across the country. Which is kind of against company protocol, apparently, but we are called to be bold in our faith. It hit me this morning that I was being called to this, not only to spread the gospel to children around the world but also to the lost that are right here. The industry that I work in, Shipyard/Marine industry, is full of lost people and I feel that I have been called to be a light in this darkness. I know this because I have prayed many times in the past for God to provide me a job in a Christ like workplace where I could grow in my faith, but that is exactly what he is doing in me right where I am. If there is one thing I have learned it is that God always hears your prayers, he just doesn't always respond to them in the way we expect. Listen when the Spirit speaks to you, hard to hear when you get in your own way. We may not understand Gods plan, it may not line up with our plans, but we can not doubt that God knows what he's doing. Man it feels good to walk with him and let his desires be my desires. My boldness in following what God called me to this morning in sending out that email resulted in the CEO of our corporation personally emailing me.(a man I've never met...not sure he had ever even heard of me....he even referred to me as Frog....ha) In the end not much of a reprimand, but definitely an inspiration to many others in my company for my boldness. One of my friends from our Virginia office even stepped up to organize the same thing in the Virginia division. Even another email from the CEO saying that he was going to personally make a donation to help fund our efforts. God is good my friend, God is good................................................................... "And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should" (Eph. 6:18-20)

The Conscious of a broken Man

I recently confessed to my wife that I had a ONS (one night stand), in opposition of the advice of every male friend I had confided in. I very very much regret having giving in to temptation and the fact that I forever compromised my own moral integrity. As painful as it was to confess this to my wife, I had to, it was something that I feel I had to do. For me to truly heal and move forward with my wife and my God, I had to confess my sins. I know in my heart that this is something I would never do again, never let myself be in a situation where it could happen again. My dilemma is that of the social stigma of the male population is to not have a conscious, that infidelity of a man is somehow acceptable; but confessing it is not socially accepted. Where are the moral leaders that we so need in this day in age? Surly, these moral leaders would not find themselves in that position, because they wouldn't compromise their moral integrity in the first place. I used to think highly of my own integrity, not so much anymore; but as broken as I am I know there is hope for redemption and change. We don't have to be who we were. To change we can not hold inside what we have done, even if we think we are protecting those that we love, guilt is a powerful poison. Guilt can cloud out the parts of your life that bring healing. I'm not saying that I no longer feel the guilt of what I did or that I don't feel convicted. Only that I no longer feel condemned and weighted down by my guilt. Having a conscious is not a bad thing, maybe yours doesn't push you to confess your sins to those you have wronged. Each of us has our on path, but if you listen to the Holy Spirit that lives within you will live a happier life. (wish I would of listened earlier).............................."Therefore, confess your sins to one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." (James 5:16)

The Past has Past so let it remain in the Past

Well today has been somewhat uneventful so I find my mind wondering to the past. I have found that spending some time in thought of the past can be healthy; lessons learned, obstacles overcome, fears conquered, and whatnot. It's when we dwell on the past and try to rethink every scenario and what if in our past or certain event in our past that it becomes counterproductive to us in the here and now. I think we all have beaten ourselves up over thinking about something in our past too much, I know I have struggled with it a lot in the last year of my life. If I would have done this or that or been more like I used to be or loved her more then she wouldn't have felt the way she did. Or if I was paying more attention than I would have noticed her changing. If I would have left with her when she was tired of being out of town. If I never would have took that first job out of town in the first place, never put my families financial needs above their emotional needs, she wouldn't have experienced that hurt, that abandonment. If she would have just told me how she felt. But would I have been smart enough at the time to listen or try to convince her that it was all OK. (maybe she did and maybe I did). The point I guess that I'm trying to make is that Today is too short to relive every event in the past. You can not change what has happened, only how you live today and the choices that you make today. True, remembering the past keeps you from making the same mistakes again, but dwelling on the past is akin to putting blinders on. You stay so focused on the past (and the pain of the past) and can't see the great things in front of you, and can quite possibly make choices that are based on your perception of the past. I know here in my recent past (a few months ago) I made a choice, driven by my perception of my present being distorted by my thought of my past. What I have done as well as what has been done to me can not be undone, but I can change the way I let the past cloud my decisions, my happiness, and the reality of my present. So be careful getting lost in YESTERDAY. Live TODAY. And as for TOMORROW.........."tomorrow will worry for itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own" (Matthew 6:34)

Thoughts on Happiness

I used to think that happiness was a state of being that just was; that it was easy and would always be. I lost that somewhere along the way, and at times thought that I would never find it again. But, as time goes by (time changes everything, but what you do with that time is key) once again happiness returns,like the seasons it fades away and returns again. That makes me think of my wedding song; "Watch the wind blow by" (Tim McCraw); it has new meaning to me now. There are seasons in a marriage and as you go thru those seasons you will find yourself and your spouse change as well. As you change and your marriage changes so to must your love for each other and how you express that love. You can't be stagnant, anything that is alive must me moving, changing, flowing; flowing to the next phase of your life, your marriage. If you find your self in a constant state of unchange, in your marriage or your life, be worried and afraid; because the goal in life is to grow and you can't grow while remaining the same. This may be for you,as it was for me, a hard thing to do when you think you are where you want to be, but there will come a day were you realize looking back that you were hanging on when you should have been moving forward. When you are moving happiness is easier to maintain, because it is rarly found in the boring times. I have been told that happiness can only come from within, a hard pill to swallow in down times when all you want is a nudge toward it from another; but take heart for you are not alone. Within doesn't mean that you have to do it on your own. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified of them, for the Lord your God goes with you;He will never leave you or forsake you" True happiness comes from God:)

Holding a marriage together

So I'm new to this whole blogging thing; but I see it as a place to express myself and hopefully help others while I myself find a path through this crazy beautiful life. Its a scary thing to be in a position where the words "holding a marriage together" are even something you have to read much less think about and ponder on. If your like me (which likely your not...not may are) your marriage was always the envy of everyone whether they admitted it or not. My wife and I have always had this bond that I've never seen before; never really had a fight, sure we argued but that's just normal. We dated and lived together for about 6 years before we got married; it' been 7 years since we said our vows...I still remember how beautiful she was on that day. Alot has changed in our lives since then: building a home, starting our family (the best boy/girl twins ever, love them to death), me working out of town. There have been ups and downs, still working out myself where we first went wrong (other than me working out of town...stupid idea guys, the money isnt worth the risk). We are at a point know where I would like to think we can still make it thru; (scratch that..) i know we can, not because of faith in myself or in us alone but in faith in the one who created the very concept of marriage. (I am not, but I know I am) I am; because of him; he alone has the power to rebuild what we have so wreaklessly torn apart. That being said, I would like to share a poem I wrote last week. Maybe later I can dig a little deeper into our story and what we've been through and where we are now but for now I would like to end with this and hope that this simple prayer can help your own marriage in some way.

Lord I pray that our marriage will stand
We've both done wrong, it's out of our hands.

We give it to you to heal and to mold
Our lives and our love, to have and to hold.

Looking back at our past all I feel is disgust.
Our sins, our lies, our anger, our lust.

There is no fingers to point, no reason to blame.
Oh please wash us, Oh Lord, in your Holy Name.

You've been right beside us thru all of our pain.
And we trust that you won't let it be in vain.

It's in you that we trust, to fill the wholes in our hearts.
It's in you that we trust, to find a fresh start.

Give us the tools to fix what we blew.
Because you have the power to make all things new.

Only on you, Lord, will our marriage stand.
Because all other ground is sinking sand.

We give it you to heal and to mold.
Our lives and our love, to have and to hold.