Who are you when no ones looking?

"Who are you when no ones looking?" I think this question is hard for anyone to reflect upon, because I think it can sometimes be that our greatest flaws are not so easily seen in ourselves. I myself have many many flaws that I am aware of and I'm sure I have a far greater number that I have no clue about. There are parts of me that I tend to hide from others, as I think many of us do. At times I am envious or jealous of others. At times I get angry or depressed about silly things that shouldn't matter. I snap at my kids when I'm moody, I'm distant and critical of every word or action of my wife when I feel I'm not getting the attention I feel I deserve. I drink too much and act an ass sometimes. If there was someone else writing this my short list of flaws would me much much longer I'm sure. I think we all tend to hide a part of ourselves to avoid criticism, but I also believe we do this out of fear of changing.
I know for a huge part of my life I avoided church and avoided God (or at least I thought I could avoid him) for this very reason. I was afraid that he would change me, afraid that I would miss out on the sinful way of life I had always lived, afraid that to change meant to give up so much. Little did I know that that was exactly what would happen when I stopped running from him and avoiding him. Even more of a surprise to me was how much I would love how he is changing me, how I don't miss the man I was or the life I thought I had, how everything I've given up had never really given me joy, how he has given me things that I didn't even know I was missing.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want a side of me that no one sees. I want to be free, free to be criticized about my flaws, free to change each day into something so much more than I was yesterday, free to stumble, free to ask for help, free to give help, free to be who God wants me to be. I want to be able to ask myself that same question in the future; "who are you when no ones looking?"; and to be able to truthfully answer myself "exactly who God wants you to be".

Psalms 139:1-10

You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.