"Girl, I’ll always love you" (February 2013)

Collection of old poems:

 

"Girl, I’ll always love you" (February 2013)

 

Girl, I’ll always love you,

But there’s something you should know.
I can’t keep living my life this way,
Girl, I’ve got to go.
 
We tried to save our marriage, but we tried a little late.
Now I’ve got to go before distrust turns to hate
Funny to think we used to be the envy of them all,
Back when we were rising, well before the fall.
 
Girl, I’ll always love you,
But there’s something you should know.
I can’t keep living my life this way,
Girl, I’ve got to go.
 
Can’t believe I’m leaving the woman of my dreams,
All because of a living nightmare and a man I’ve never seen.
Strange to think I’m in that place you were a year before,
You’re just so damn distant and I’m not happy anymore.
 
Girl, I’ll always love you,
But there’s something you should know.
I can’t keep living my life this way,
Girl, I’ve got to go.
 
Understand that the only thing that is here to stay,
Is the pain that I'll feel inside of me each and everyday
I don’t regret all the years I’ve spent being by your side
Just how blind I was to all your needs and to all your lies
 
You always seem distracted; say you’re tired all the time
You don’t show me affection and act like that is fine
Seems to me your living a double life again
So I can’t stay, this has to be the end
 
Girl, I’ll always love you,
But there’s something you should know.
I don’t think it’s all your fault
Girl, I’ll take my share of blame.
Girl, I’ll always love you,
But girl, I’ve got to go.

"Travel Away" (February 2013)

Collection of old poems:

"Travel Away" (February 2013)
 
There's holes in my pockets
 And bills left to pay
So I pack up my bags
 And I travel away

 To a place I can work 14 hours a day
 But 7 days a week is just so hard to stand
 Takes someone as cold as the steel in my boot
 Guess in the end I'm just that kind of man

 There's scars on my hands & burns in my cloths
 My eyes are heavy & my knees are weak
 My body is aching and blisters on my feet
 But I'll do whatever to provide I suppose

 There's holes in my pockets
 And bills left to pay
 So I pack up my bags
 And I travel away

 Gotta put the food on the table for my family back home
 Being away from my wife and babies is so very hard
 But there's a mortgage, there's daycare, and so many other needs
 So I put on this hardhat & keep punching this card

 There were holes in my pockets
 And bills left to pay
 So I packed up my bags
 And I traveled away

 Now there's holes in my soul
 And no bills left to pay
 So I packed up my bags
 I'm coming home to stay

"Miles and Miles apart" (January 2013)

Collection of old poems:

"Miles and Miles apart" (January 2013)

.when we're. miles and miles apart
.I get. a sadness in my heart
.I wish that. we were together
.cause then I'd. Feel so much better

.oh I can't wait. To leave this place
.and finally look. Upon your face
.Its so damn hard. To be so far from you
.oh Lord tell me. Just what to do

.When we're. miles and miles apart
.with so much. sadness in my heart
.I grab that bible. By my bed
.and soon. my soul is fed

.its what. Gets me through the day
.and tells me. That every things ok
.I can read. the book of Psalms
.the pain. will soon be gone

.or I can read. the song of songs
.and know that. I won't be gone long
.cause your a lily. among thorns
.and its you. That I adore

.when we're. miles and miles apart
.and I get. A sadness in my heart
.and wish that. We where together
.and that. I felt so much better

.I know that. when we're miles and miles apart
..god can take the pain. From my heart
.because. I can trust in him
.until the very end

"In his arms" (January 2013)

Collection of old poems:

"In his arms" (January 2013)

 

I leave in the morning to go so far away,

Lord use this to draw us closer, for this is what I pray.

 

I had a dream, she felt alone and her bed was cold.

Then I dreamed a scary thought, she had someone to hold.

 

I realized it was a dream,  but that it would still come true.

I heard a voice asking me, "why do you feel so blue?"

 

"Have no fear, this short time here, you surely will get thru."

"Have some faith my child, my son., for I make all thing new."

 

"She reads my words, I'm sure you've heard, they're mighty as a sword."

"So be at ease she found her comfort in the arms of the Lord."

 

 

(2 Chronicles 20:15)

"Do not be afraid nor be dismayed because of this great multitude,

 for the battle is not yours, but God's "

"Is she really mine" ( January 2013)

Collection of old poems:

 

"Is she really mine" ( January 2013)

 

Do I really have her, is she really mine?

Everything seams so great, it all seams so fine.

Will I forever live with doubt in my mind?

Or will it ebb away with the passing of the time?

I still have a fear of losing her, my heart is on the line.

Our marriage is getting stronger, but temptation is always close behind.

The past keeps coming back, if only to remind.

Do I really have her, is she really mine?

"Untitled" (Christmas eve 2012)

Collection of old poems:

 

"Untitled" (Christmas eve 2012)

 

"Dear Lord, I pray you help me drop my stones" (scribbled hastily atop the page)

 

 

I worship you on this joyous day

My Lord, my Savior, your gift I can't repay

 

You made yourself to take my place

So full of love and amazing grace

 

Its still so hard to comprehend

Your love never fails, it has no end

 

And from your love, forgiveness flows

Like handfuls of stones that nobody throws

 

Jesus your worthy of all of our praise

And I'll love you forever, till the end of my days

"TELL ME I'M MORE" (FALL 2012)

Collection of old poems:

"Tell me I'm more" (FALL 2012)

Who am I God
Who can I be
Tell me I'm more
Than what people see

They see that I'm weak
They've seen all my sin
Tell me I'm more
Than I've ever been

I've always been
Who I've chosen to be
It's the hand I was dealt
 I played right along
Tell me I'm more
Because you're never wrong

He died for me
So I live again
Oh father in heaven
Let your will be done
Tell me I'm more
Because of your son

I choose your love
And choose to believe
I surrender to you
All that is me
Tell me I'm more
Because you set me free

Who am I God
Who can I be
Tell me I'm more
And for you I will be

"What it means to be strong" (November 2012)

Collection of old poems:

"What it means to be strong" (November 2012)

All my life I've been taken for granted

I showed them kindness, they treated me ruthless

I showed them love, they pushed and they shoved

I showed them grace, they spit in my face

I showed them mercy, they repaid it adversely

I showed them forgiveness, they mistook it for weakness

God were they wrong, they just don't know what it means to be strong

You taught me kindness,  when you healed their blindness

You taught me love, when you were sent from above

You taught me grace, when you died in my place

You taught me mercy, when you wouldn't let the devil continue to hurt me

You taught me forgiveness, with the gift of your greatness

For the rest of my life,

I'll never take you for granted,

 Jesus I love you,

thank you for teaching me,

What it Means to be Strong

"It belongs to you" (November 2012)

Collection of old poems:

"It belongs to you" (November 2012)

As I lie down and close my eyes I pray against my fears
Let me dream of happy things, laughter and good cheer

But soon the sandman comes and leads me down a path
He leads me to my wicked thoughts, my fears, and to my wrath

When I'm there it feels so real, the pain, it's like brand new
I've seen some things, done by me, that only the devil would do

As I wake drenched in sweat and wipe away my tears
I know it's him that haunts my dreams and whispers in my ears

He preys upon my weakness, and the pain that's from my past
But I stand against him, from today until last

I pray to you my Lord, my God, and feel my strength renew
The devil may try to take my soul, but it Belongs to You.

"Can we go to Grandmaw's house" (October 2009)

Collection of old poems:

"Can we go to Grandmaw's house" (October 2009)

Daddy can we go to Grandmaw's house, if only for the day?
You know we love it there, can we go and play?

She greets us with a smile that reminds us of you,
And if we're lucky she'll make us cookies too.

We love it when she reads us stories and rocks us in her arms,
And when she lets us fish and rides us around the farm.

We love to go to Grandmaw's house where we can run and play,
And when it's time to leave she gives us kisses and sends us on our way.

"Dreams and Dreams of you 2" (September 2009)

Collection of old poems:

"Dreams and Dreams of you 2" (September 2009)

As I lie in bed with my eyes closed tight,
I drift off to dreamland as I rest for the night.

I could hear children laughing and playing close to me,
Though try as I may the children I could  not see.

I swear I thought I knew them, but who could it be.
It was my unborn children that called out to me.

Daddy do you love me and do you love me too?
I say of course I love you, I love the both of you.

As I lie in bed awake, for the day is new,
I smile and think about dreams and dreams of you two.

"My blue eyed Babies" (September 2009)

Collection of old poems:

"My blue eyed babies" (September 2009)

Just like your daddy, will your eyes be blue?
Just like you granddaddy, will your eyes be blue?
Just like your great-granddaddy, will your eyes be blue?
If your just like your momma and your brown eyes aren't blue,
I'll love you just as much with a love that's just as true.

"Whitley Faye" (August 2009)

Collection of old poems:

"Whitley Faye" (August 2009)

There was a little girl, her name was Whitley Faye,
And she hugged her daddy's neck each and every day.

She loved to be read stories as she sat in daddy's lap,
And when she got tired he would lay her down to take a nap.

She had a smile that could bring a tear to his eye,
And pain to his heart when he had to hear her cry.

There was a little girl, her name was Whitley Faye,
And her daddy was wrapped around her finger each and every day.

"Princess" (August 2009)

Collection of old poems:

"Princess" (August 2009)

I'm married to a princess, but I'm no king you see
I met her in a trailer, surrounded by poverty

Someone else sent her flowers, but he did not impress
And when she came to thank him, I wrote upon her flesh

She found me kind of funny, the jester I seem to be
So after years of dating, I asked her, to spend her life with me.

I'm married to a princess, but I'm no king you see
I'm married to a princess, and happy as can be.

"ALONE" (January 2004)

Collection of old poems:

"ALONE" (January 2004)

I AM ALONE, I AM ALONE

WHO CAN HEAR MY CRY

 

I AM ALONE, I AM ALONE

WHO WILL HEAR MY CRY

 

I AM ALONE, SHE LEFT ME HERE

SHE DIDN'T HEAR MY CRY

 

SHE CAME HOME, I AM ALONE

SHE DIDN'T HEAR ME CRY

 

I AM ALONE, I AM ALONE

WHO WILL HEAR MY CRY

 

I AM ALONE I AM ALONE

ONLY I CAN HEAR MY CRY

Holiday season...ugh

So it begins, another holiday season.....Not that I don't like holidays it's just that I would love to throat punch whoever crammed all these damn holidays into the end of the year!  I always get stressed out with all the traveling around, (should be a nice flight to see the in-laws for Thanksgiving....2 five year olds and a five month old....I almost feel sorry for anyone on the same flight) and the shopping.....the shopping....ugh....I hate shopping.  Why am I so tired all of a sudden?  Wow just the thought of these two things is enough to drain me,  the mental and physical exhaustion has already set in....

Here it is, that time again

can't you feel that cold crisp wind

 Shorter days and longer nights
soon it's time for a holiday flight
I wonder if Whitley will throw up again
hell who knows maybe this time Wren
Packing and traveling two things I hate
I may need a Valium by the departure gate
Three little heathens up in the air
the other passengers should be pulling their hair
A week at the in-laws can be something to fear
but I'll be alright as long as there's beer
Here we are home again
not long till the birthday party's begin
Two turning five it happened so fast
I hope they both think their party's a blast
Then Christmas shopping comes along
I'm gonna charge it, charge it, while singing a song
Then hurry hurry let it be spring
does anyone else know what I mean
Next year I'm doing something my wife will hate
because come winter time I think I'll just hibernate



 

It's always been her

Maybe it was the innocence in her eyes or her gorgeous smile or simply the fact that she was nothing like me.  Still to this day I can't say what it was about her that I liked so much,  all I knew was I wanted her...I wanted her in every way....I wanted her like I had never wanted anything else.  It scared the hell out of me, because at that point in my life I wanted nothing...I had nothing.  The closest thing I had to a want at that time was a want to numb the pain from a troubled childhood, a want to numb the pain from past broken hearts, a want to numb the pain from the life I had all but given up on....I was pretty good at numbing it too
Then "she" walked into my life,  this beautiful young girl with long brown hair and stunning brown eyes.  I have no idea what she ever saw in me back then... I was nothing but trouble...but what ever it was I'm glad she did.  I still remember the day we met.  I still remember our first kiss...I was so scared to kiss her, it took me two weeks to build up the courage.....I was hooked.  Nothing else mattered anymore... nothing but her...she was the reason I got up every day...she consumed my every thought...was in my every dream...I lived only for her. 
Though our lives together have been anything but normal,  though I've still felt pain,  I've still felt loneliness, I've still felt lost at times  I wouldn't trade a day of being with her for anything in this world.  I've felt more loved,  felt more compassion, felt more understood, and felt more passion than I could have ever known.  I still may not yet know everything about her but then I've yet to learn everything about myself.  It's been fourteen years, 168 months,  728 weeks,  5110 days, 8 years of marriage,   4 addresses changes,  3 beautiful kids,  2 lives intertwined forever,  and 1 hell of a ride.
I still watch her while she sleeps,  I still melt at her embrace,  I still remain lost when we're apart, she still consumes my every thought, she's still the reason I wake up every morning,  she's still in my every dream,  and I still live for her.........
Her.....It's always been her 

A Small Deceit

What’s the harm in such a small deceit

After all I’m just being discreet

You know it’s just a small white lie

And the only reason for my alibi

I only did it to avoid your ragging

Because I knew that you’d be nagging

 

I know you think this how it begins

The first step toward a bigger sin

From half-truths to full lies

Hard so see thru smoky eyes

You know it’s all I’d keep from you

The things I’ve done before are thru

Selfish

Do you ever think of yourself as selfish?  Chances are that if you don't have kids you may not yet realize the extent of your selfishness. I for one am the exception....ha.  I would like to be able to say that without being a liar.  The truth is that I am extremely selfish.  I miss being able to sleep in, or hell just being able to sleep at all without being woken up every two hours by the hunger cries of a one month old. (Not that I wouldn't gladly do anything for that beautiful little girl.....just saying) I get jealous of the people that get to go out and do things. I wish we had the stereo typical parents who always wanted to watch and babysit the grand kids.  I wish I didnt sometimes get jealous of my kids and the closeness they have with my wife; although so greatful that they have a mother that loves them so much I still at times long for the closeness my wife and I used to share with each other.  We used to share everything with one another......now it's more like we share everything about our kids but that seems to be the extent of it anymore.  I know all of this sounds awfully selfish, it is! That's my point.  It's a part of me that I had never really noticed until I had kids, but then again I did pretty much what ever I wanted back then.  I guess you don't really notice your selfish tendencies until you find something worth give them up for.  The thoughts or more so the feelings that drive that selfishness are still present but there is something more important that is out weighing  that internal drive.  Even though that goes on, I know I am still selfish.  I want more than I receive from friends, my job, my family.  I want more emotion and passion from my wife than I know she can give.  I want my kids to grow and do things that they aren't quite ready for (their just kids, I was way worse). I want God to fix things in my life but more often than not I don't follow what he calls me to do.  SELFISH!!!   We all are. We're just born that way.  As selfish as I am, and knowing that, I still get angry at the selfishness of others.  I am what I dislike in others. I am me, more me than I would like at times.

       
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4)

 He must increase, but I must decrease. (John 3:30)

Waiting and wanting

There is a lust, a passion a must

that's missing from my life

a desire of my wife

I want, I need

your eyes full of fire

you with a desire

wanting and needing

and pulling me in

a mutual embrace

and passion in place

you wanting, me wanting

gripping and grabbing

not convince and give in

you laying, me doing

so quickly we're thru with

So for now it's me waiting

for you to be wanting

something with feeling

something with meaning

So for now it's me waiting

So for now it's me waiting

 

zzz

"Sleep" is not a four letter word, but yet hold your tongue when speaking such things in the presents of the zombified.  Those who have those weary, dreary, blood shot eyes.  Those with the  drooping head and the distant gaze.  Those incoherent  mumbling fools.  You know the ones!?  The ones who used to be so articulate, intelligent, elegant, and funny.  The ones who seem to have lost their edge.  The ones who have one foot off the ledge.  Those lost somewhere between insomnia and narcolepsy.  They hear your words and nod along but its clear there's no one there.  Don't mention your night, or your rest, or napping;  and what every you do never say you're "tired too".  For  those zombies; with the weary, dreary, blood shot eyes;  are at the verge and just like that...BOOM!...they'll SNAP!  It's not their fault you've been forewarned.

"Hello new baby......good bye to sl**p...zzz

And the days did pass on by

Passion & Lust

Happiness & Trust

and the days did pass on by

Rings & Bells

Kisses & Veils

and the days did pass on by

Babies & Smiles

Laundry & Piles

and the days did pass on by

Passion & Lust

Pain & Disgust

and the days did pass on by

Talking & Saying

Thinking & Praying

and the days did pass on by

Loving & Living

Staying & Forgiving

and the days did pass on by

Clear & Hazy 

Beautiful & Crazy

Marriage & Life

of a

Husband & Wife

Happily worn

His alarm rings, its time to rise
Its hard to see behind his tired eyes
"Could it be so soon again?"
"I've only just fallen asleep my friend"
The clock just sits and blinks
Off to work, "Oh this stinks"
I seek out coffee, strong and black,
To give the energy that I lack.
Faster, faster, I drive my truck,
"Late again, just my luck"
My eyes a weary, dark, and sagging
My feet are heavy, my boots are dragging
The work drags on and on and on
"How much longer till this day is gone?"
"Oh thank God, it's finally here!"
Time for that unwinding beer.
That was nice, but no time to dawdle
 Just remember, your still a father
"Daddy's home!", I hear them say
"Build this, fix this, come and play!"
Their energy level is up to ten
Just let me catch my second wind
Dinner, bathes, its all so hectic
Hope my wife doesn't feel neglected
Lock the doors and turn the lights
Its finally time for the night
I'm in my bed, I close my eyes
but not for long, the baby cries
Wide awake, and on my way
"I love you enough to do this everyday"
Sweet little baby in my arms
Next thing you know, there goes my alarm.......



 

Weight of the world

     In life our burdens can some times feel light and at others (most of the time) they can weigh you down.  Being a husband, a father, an employee; it can sometimes feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.  We all have the normal weight of our responsibilities and duties; I don't consider these to be burdens, though they can be quite trying at times and even down right difficult.  The burdens I am talking about are those that only affect you if you let them. The anger, disgust and disdain for a coworker,  that painful memory of the past,  unfounded and unspecific worry for the future, my wife is pregnant sexual frustration.......
     Life tends to throw plenty of heavy things on you from time to time, but one thing I have to be reminded  every now and then is that things are only as big and as heavy as you let them be.  Life doesn't have to be difficult,  we sometimes make mountains out of mole hills, we let our minds  blow them up into these huge weights and stack them up and carry them around.  The quicker we can let go and move on the less we feel the pressure, the less we feel burdened by them.  We're not meant to carry some burdens for very long.  There's a peace that comes from giving your burdens to God, the one that has the strength to carry them.  Its something that I have to do over and over again, because I have this bad habit of picking the same burdens back up again.  Maybe I just enjoy the feeling of giving it back to him.

 

 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.   For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  (Matthew 11:28-30)

Have you been stressed?

    A few days ago I noticed a strange rash on my chest and paid it little mind, as I considered it insignificant.  The next day the same looking rash  now appeared on my armpit as well as my back. Maybe there is something to it after all I thought, so I took the day off of work to go have it checked out.  Well, to be honest I  needed a break from the stresses of work and just used it as an excuse to myself in justifying this day of relaxation.  As it turns out the rash is actually "Shingles",  great this should be fun,  which my doctor believes was triggered by stress.  He asked me if there was anything that would have put me under stress in the last week or so. HA! Just the thought of him asking me that makes me laugh!  Oh the absurdity,  what hasn't happened to make me stress would have been a much easier question to answer. 

   Its been an eventful few week to say the least. My wife's birthday was last weekend and our dog ate the UPS package off the front porch that contained her present (along with a hundred other thing he's been hungry for).  My in-laws came in town,  we get along great, but none the less it is always stressful having guests from out of town. My son started soccer.  His first game was last Saturday, which I missed because of work. (...did I mention that the dog ate both of his new soccer balls)  My little girl started gymnastics, she's awesome at it and really enjoys it.  I missed her first class, but made it to her second one on Monday.  My nerves were on end because of all the kids running rampant in the hallway, but it was worth it to she her having so much fun.  Work has been busy and stressful as always with constant problems to resolve and prevent, and the ever looming schedule (too much to do and not enough time). Also my wife being pregnant and having four year old twins  presents its own ever present stresses on me.

   Although I know that God puts nothing on us that we can't handle, it is far too easy to fall into worrying and stressing  about things.  When I say that he puts nothing on us that we can't handle I do not mean alone,  there are many times that just one thing is too much for me to handle.  Its just a fact of life that the burdens of this world are too much for us that is why we must not carry them on our own,  but rather give them to God for his burden is light.  I forget often that my greatest strength is not my own and  that no matter the situation  I don't have to face anything alone.  So, like so many of us I too must remember that when I am feeling weak and overwhelmed I just need to ask God.  Not to ask him to spare me from those situations, but rather pray that he gives me strength to endure and through that feel his presence and be reminded that I am not alone.  

 

 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.   (Philippians 4:13)

 
Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word  (Psalm 119:114)
 
And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.  (Luke 18:27)
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  (Matthew 11:28-30)


       

Make Time

Wow! I knew it had been a while since the last time I had made a post, didn't realize it was quite this long though.  I guess life just has a way of becoming burdensome from time to time,  but in those times you tend to learn something about yourself.  For there are things that you will make time for and there are things that get pushed to the side, whether or not you are willing to admit it, the things that you make time for are the things that are important to you.  Apparently this blog didn't quite make the cut here recently, though I have missed it, it has been a great tool for me in sorting out my thoughts (hard to write something down without understanding it more).  I would like to sit here and say that I only made time for things that most would consider truly noble and worthy,  but then I would only be doing myself an injustice by looking back through rose colored glasses.  The truth is that all of us tend to have this list of things that we say our important to us (our wives, our kids,  our mothers, our fathers, our friends, our church, & so on),  and then we have  "the reality" of what we make time for in our lives.  When we look at this list ("the reality" list) our priorities tend to look a little different,  and by most accounts not nearly and noble and worthy.  I am no different,  just looking back on this past week I cringe a little.  I missed my little girls first gymnastics class and my sons first soccer game because I had to work, but then again I somehow managed to take off 3 hours early to play golf on Friday.  This is  not where I thought my priorities were when I started writing nor what I thought I was writing about when I started,  but I believe the Spirit has a way of showing us what we need to see when we need to see it. (though sometimes it feels like ripping a Band-Aid off and all the hair with it)  Its not always a pretty picture looking into a mirror at who we really are, when we compare it with the photo shopped image in our mind of who we thought we were we can better understand what we really want to be important and what we need to do to make time for what truly is important.  

Ephesians 5:15-16
Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

Letter to my daugther

Tonight is the second year for me and my daughter to attend the "Father/Daughter Ball" with our church and like last year I wrote her a letter.  I thought I would record it on here, just incase it gets lost like last year.  (She is only four now and I thought I would save it till she could read it herself)

Whitley Faye,

    

     I want you to know how much you mean to me and how much I truly love you.  You mean the world to me and no matter what, you always will!  I want you to know how beautiful you are.  I could never have imagined having a daughter as beautiful as you are, or one that is as much fun as you are.  You are a pretty awesome little girl and I know that one day you will be an amazing women!  I want you to know that I will always be there for you, always protect you, and do everything in my power to always provide for your needs.  God made you perfect , perfectly the way he wanted you, perfectly the way he needed you; and never let anyone tell you any different.  God has a plan for you and the many wonderful abilities and gifts he has given you.  I look forward to watching you grow and seeing what God has in store for you.

 

                                                                                                                                            I Love You      

                                                                                                                -Daddy Boo Boo 

                                                                                                                     2/13/14        

Lucky Man

Just sitting here at work, waiting to get off, and I can't help but think about how lucky I am.  Lucky to have a good job to provide for my family.  Lucky to have a great family to provide for.  I've got an awesome wife who set me up an appointment for a one hour massage after work today.  Like I said,  awesome wife!  I can't even start to put into words how lucky I feel to have her.  I've got two amazing kids who have surpassed any and all expectations of what I could have imagined before they were here.  Fatherhood has been by far one of the most rewarding things in my life and I am so looking forward to multiplying that feeling with our next child.  I get to see some sneak peeks on Monday at the "anatomy ultra sound".  I can't begin to what this one is going to be like.  Is it a girl, is it a boy?  Will he look like me? Will she have her mothers eyes?  Will he be good at legos like his brother?  Will she be obsessed with toenail polish like her sister?  I'm so excited to be a father again!  I truly am a Lucky Man.  Or to say it better, I am a Blessed Man.

Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord.     (Psalms 127:3)

Can't wait to meet you

Thought I would share this awesome sneak peek of my newest little miracle!!!  I can't wait to meet him (or her)!  I must say that not finding out if this new bundle of joy is a boy or girl is way more exciting than I ever thought it would.  We have a long way to go, and I mean a long way to go,  I look forward to the excitement and suspense that we will have as we guess and predict it along the way.  Even more so, I look forward to the day when I get to hold that little baby in my arms!!  I love you and can't wait to meet you .   Hurry up and get here, I miss you already.

-Daddy Boo Boo

Psalm 139:13 For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb.

I hate you hormones

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, that it's just not quite good enough.  I like to think that I am a fairly capable human being, until my wife is pregnant that is!  At that time I apparently lose my ability to preform even the most basic of tasks to even a somewhat satisfactory level.  Laundry,  how hard can this one be?  You simply put the cloths in, add detergent,  and turn it on right?  Wrong.  Apparently you can not wash towels with a Candy Cane Princess Dress!  Of coarse not, all the candy canes fall off and the little mesh skirt will be ripped to shreds!  You can not put your wife's clothes away for her either, this is a no-no,  you have no idea where they go, and will have no idea what you did with them when she come to you asking what the hell you did with them. (Side note: never wash the pile of clothes next to the laundry hamper,  yes they are dirty, but they must be hand washed by Asian monks in a sacred mountain stream with detergent that fell from the sky during the eclipse of a blue moon. aka: they're delicates, don't touch them)

Moving on, because I am clearly unfit for laundry duty.  Shall we try to help in the kitchen?  Oh look the dish washer is full,  this should be easy let me put these away this should be helpful.  Wrong!  Wrong? How could I have screwed this up you might ask?  I was asking my self this same question.  My wife: "Did you put those dishes away that where in the dishwasher?"  Me: (very proud of myself for doing so and happy that she noticed) "Why yes I did, your welcome."  My wife's next comments were not entirely what I had expected, you know gracious, thankful, loving, and whatnot.  In fact they where quite the opposite!  My question is how the hell was I supposed to know that she had shut the dishwasher off halfway through so that she could hear the TV last night?  Do you think that she could tell they weren't clean if she didn't have this key bit of information that I was oblivious of?  Surely any halfway competent person would have noticed and simply restarted the dishwasher rather than put dirty dishes in every cabinet in the kitchen! Surely?!?  So I said to myself, "Self, you just aren't cut out for doing the dishes."

So... being incompetent  at the most basic of basic house hold tasks I find myself in a position to not be of much use to my pregnant wife.  So when the time came that she asked me to get her a glass of water, I complied without hesitation.  I brought her a glass of water into the living room where she was lying on the couch,  by the time I get back to the kitchen I hear a very frustrated yell "BABE!"
What could possibly be wrong with that?!  My preggo wife was apparently too tired to sit up to drink her water and had spilt most of it on her shirt.  This was all my fault, she let me know: "Babe you put too damn much water in the glass and I spilt it!"  How stupid of me for not realizing that a pregnant woman has the same coordination when it comes to drinks as my two four-year old kids do.  I hate you hormones, I hate you!


  Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Sick in the head

People that know me and my family (friends, coworkers, relatives) used to joke and say that I needed more kids and to be honest the thought scared the crap out of me for the longest time.   I mean they were right from they're point of view, my life is pretty hectic at times with just two kids.  But, it only takes the littlest thing from one of my kids for me to know that my life is going to be so much better when "plus one" arrives. So just hang with me as I attempt to take you on a journey thru my chaotic life and distorted thought process.  

   Well it's the season, nope, not holiday, not winter, not the season of new beginnings and resolutions. It's flu season, or as I call it "cold,flu,stomach bug,out of sick days, this freakin sucks season".  It started for us a week and a half before Christmas, we where hit with the first assault on our bodies as well as our sanity. Colds, fevers, coughs, began on a Monday; luckily for me I felt like crap all week but was far too busy with pre-schedualed inspections to miss work. So my wife got to be the one to miss a whole week of work to take care of sick kids.  My daughter ended up having an ear infection that was (of coarse why not) treated with an antibiotic that broke her out in hives and made her throw up. 

So fast forward thru two whole weeks of varying degrees of sickness for each of us to this past Sunday, one of the highlights of my year.   I'd been running a fever and sweating buckets since Saturday morning, so I felt like crap. As I lie on the couch that afternoon while my wife gives the kids their bath in our bathroom that evening I hear my wife yell "Wyatt run to the other bathroom".  That's never good to hear.  A split second later, a butt naked blond haired  soaking wet little boy goes flying thru the living room like bat outta hell. As rounds the corner thru the hallway a turd flings out onto our white carpet (YAY),  as this happens he swings around like he going to pick it up of something?!? I yell, "keep going!!"  He's done, back in the bath, carpet cleaned! That sucked, I feel like crap, back on the couch. 

Hours later, probably past mid-night now, my wife and I wake up to a coughing sound that turns into a throw-up sound.  My little girl just yacked up pizza all over the white carpet, well my wife managed to catch some in my shirt.  Just great another one sick,  brown and red stains in the carpet,  and I've managed to sweat up every set of sheet in the house in the last few nights.  My home is now a living experiment of Murphy's Law (anything that can happen will happen).  My daughter and I have now been quariantined to the spare room for the remainer of the night.  We wake up to a deserted house, guess everyone else went to school and work,  just us here to fend for ourselves.  This is when I realize just how magical sickness is.  My little girl who never stops moving or talking  is too sick to do either,  all she can do is snuggle with me on the couch and watch movies.  I got to enjoy two whole days of this little angle wanting no one but her daddy, and even though I was sick too I loved every minute of it.  I can't wait to be sick with the next one, I must be sick in the head.

Proverbs 17:22 Be Joyful
A joyful heart is good medicine, But a broken spirit dries up the bones.

In Awe of your love

A Facebook post by my wife:

Happy 4th Birthday to the best things that ever happened to me, besides your Daddy.
We love you very much!!!
Love,
Mama


To my wife,
First I would like to say that those are the cutest babies I have ever seen! (and I say that being the most unbiased, most competent,  and most reliable source available to judge such things)  These two precious little (not so little any more) things truly have been a blessing in our lives and I've loved them every step of the way. I could not imagine my life without them, oh what a sad and unfulfilling life that would surely be.  The reason I felt the need to share this post on my blog is because I was so taken back by three little words; "besides your Daddy".  Words can not begin to express  the feelings of unworthliness, the shock, the wonder, the pure and undiluted emotion that this simple statement brought on inside of me.  To look in her eyes, at that frozen moment in time, I see the joy and the passionate affection for these two snuggly wrapped miracles.  I see a tired, yet purely content,  woman holding what she never thought she would.  A woman who had never looked more beautiful to me than she did in that moment.  A woman who some how some way God found me worth of marrying, found me worthy of fathering her children.  I could live the rest of my life and not accomplish another thing, and I would consider my life a success.  I consider it an immense honor and privilege to have this amazing woman as the mother of my children, and even more so to have her as my wife.  I am humbly greatful to be so blessed.  To Wyatt and Whitley I say, "Happy Birthday".  To my wife I simply say, "Thank you and I love you." To God I say the same, "Thank you and I love you."

-Your humble, joyous, shocked, wowed, awed, honored, greatful, and forever loving husband

Perspective

I awoke this morning and dreaded even crawling out of bed, but with a scratchy throat and stuffy nose I decided to get going after hitting the snooze button for the tenth time. Just as I expected, another cold and frosty morning. I use a little warm water to get rid of the ice on my windshield then climb on in for my normal hour long commute. As I drive down the road I can see every breath I take rolling past my slightly numb lips, just another chilly drive since my heater went out and winter set in. As I tend to do on my morning drive, I spend some time talking with God. As my cold fingers grip the even colder steering wheel, I thank him for the fact that I have transportation to get to work, I thank him that I have a job to provide for my family, and I thank him for the sweet auburn clad Snuggie that is currently wrapped around my neck like an over sized scarf.

Shortly after my talk (prayer or whatever), I merge onto I-10 West bound and as the slight fog dissipates I see an image that catches my eye. The view I have is of a full moon next to the RSA tower in downtown Mobile, but not just any moon what appears to be the biggest moon I've ever seen. As I continue on my daily journey the view before me begins to slowly change. The moon begins to change, it grows smaller and smaller with each passing mile until it is only a fraction of the size it was when I first caught sight of it. Or perhaps through some bizarre circumstance the building itself had somehow grown larger. Now I now better than to think that the moon had gotten smaller or that the building had gotten bigger. The only thing that has changed was me, the only thing that had changed was my perspective. Nothing about either one had changed, but where "I was" had changed my view of them. This same concept is so very true in all aspects of my life and my faith.

It's all about perspective. Something as simple as not having a heater on a cold winter morning allowed me to see this so clearly. I feel now that I was blessed by not having that warmth blowing from my dash, because I may have missed the very thing that God intended to blow through my thoughts and my soul this very morning. He never ceases to amaze me, through the way he chooses to change me, through the things he does to enlighten me, and how subtly he does it.  I used to have a view of God that was so very different from the view I have today. God is so much bigger, so much better, so much more than I ever thought was or could be.  God has not changed, only my perspective of him has changed. The closer I get to him the more beautiful he becomes. The closer I get to him the more I notice him in my life. The closer I get to him the more I love myself and others. The closer I get to him the closer I what to become.

Psalm 139:1-14 gives us a glimpse of the greatest perspective of all; God's perspective.

You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

Carpenter of men

 



Yesterday evening I was "helping" my uncle in his barn, when I say helping I mean I was doing the work while he spent his time hunting down the next tool I would need to get the job done. The task at hand is one that we have been putting off for quite some time now; completing a wrap around work bench in the tool room section of his barn. The reason we've been putting it off is because of the wood being used for this project: 4"x7" rough cut lumber, twisted, cracked, wood that originally came from large industrial pallets the length of a rail car, to say this was probably the least suited lumber for the job would be an understatement.

As I was diligently working each board; strategically prying, wedging, cutting, hammering, drilling, and screwing; I began to think about another carpenter. I don't know if I ever thought much about the similarities of being a carpenter working with rough raw material and God working in rough and broken people. As I slowly and methodically work each crook, twist, and bow out of each board; I can not help but think of the correlation with how God, Jesus, and his Spirit that lives in me is slowly straightening me out. There is nothing that the board beneath my hand can do to straighten itself out, nothing can be done under its own will, no amount of want or work on it's part can change its twisted and flawed existence. Though this twisted and flawed board would have no reason to believe that it was worthy of being placed atop this sturdy yet humble work bench; the truth is that I have chosen it for that and I will make it worthy, I will straighten it out, I will make it able to fill the need I have for it. This board may not have known what it was made for and even now as it fulfills that role it still does not know, but it is filling that role just as it was slowly shaped to do so.

This board and I have so very much in common. I don't know what role God has in store for me, or how he plans on using me. One thing I do know is that just as I shape and change a piece of wood to fit the plan I have for it, Jesus is immensely more capable of shaping and changing me to meet the role he has for me and my life. I know how flawed I am, how crooked, how twisted, and how unable I most surely am to fill whatever role he has in store. I know that he knows all of my shortcomings more so than I ever will. I also know that he has a plan for each of us; though we may believe that we are the least suited for the role; and he will make us into what he needs us to be. He does not call the able, but enables the called. Truly a carpenter of men!







10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
(Ephesians 2:10)

Preg-envy

Is it just me or are there any other men out there who get a little jealous of thier pregnant wives? Now I'm not saying that I'm jealous of the discomfort of pregnancy, or the pains of childbirth, or the the toll it takes on thier body. But it's hard not to think about the fact that they get to have this eternal bond with them. I know this bond that comes from carrying the baby for nine months transcends the baby stage, because I see it daily with my twins. In the way they always want their mother. "No daddy, I want mommy to carry me to bed!" A statement I hear nightly from my precious little girl. It's the way my twins fight over who gets to lay by their mother on the couch, the loser of this nightly debate gets the secondary prize of laying by their father. Its the little things like these that cut the deepest, how could you not be jealous of a bond like that? Don't get me wrong, I have a great relationship with my kids and I know that they love me as I do them. I'm just saying that; damn it's frustrating at times because everything I do is for them, my time spent at work, my thoughts, my prayers, plans for the future. It reminds me of a verse from Pauls second letter to the church of Corinthians: ... because what I want is not your possessions but you. After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. So I will very gladly spend for you everything I have and expend myself as well. If I love you more, will you love me less? (2 Corinthians 12:14-15)

Its probably just my sentimental nature and my longing for truely deep conections with my family. In all truth I probably wouldn't survive as a pregnant woman. (you know, narrow hips and all) I am so very thankful for the mother of my children, I am truely thankful that I was blessed enough to have children born from her, an amazing woman, an amazing mother. To which I would like to say; "Sorry I used your loofa(luffa,loufa,loofah....however you spell it) to wipe your sons ass when you put him in the shower with me last night" (thankyou for that, I was actually in the middle of brushing my teeth when you threw him in there....gag)

Laugh it off

Well I wish I had another really great story for you about the adventures of super dad, but thankfully for my sake no new disasters to report today. So I thought I would take this time to talk about finding joy in the craziest parts of your life, about being able to laugh at your self, being able to find the humor in your own screwed up existence. Being the most handsome, the most athletic, and the most popular kid ever; naturally I never had to deal with insults, let downs, defeat, or any kind of conflict that burdens the rest of world. RIGHT!? I wouldn't say that I had a normal childhood (only because I have no idea what that means), I would only say that it was a fairly typical one. You know the kind I'm talking about; the kind where your parents never wanted you in the house. So me and my misfit gang of cousins made our mark on the world in the great outdoors. We spent most of our childhood in make-believe land where we lived out our wildest fantasies. The only sense of reality was the ever present chance that we could die or be seriously injured at any moment by any number of our half thought out schemes.

I'm not sure where I got my sense of humor from, as morbid as it is, but I do know that I would not have survived without it. I look on as my own children run and play; my son thinks he is a ninja turtle who has the technical mastery in combat that is rivaled by none, my daughter apparently thinks she is a special education teacher and her bother, my wife, and myself are undoubtedly her students(Obviously since we lack the ability to follow her clearly defined direction); and I am some how proud and thankful of the fact that they have inherited my sick and twisted sense of reality and humor. Now I can by no means take all the credit for how these two ended up. Not only did they get the other half of their genes from their mother, but there is no way to avoid the nurture side. (personalities like theirs must be carefully nurtured with the involvement of both dysfunctional parents)

The ability to laugh away your woes and sorrows is a gift from God. The ability to laugh at others woes is....well just a health sense humor. I'm not delusional enough to think that our lives could ever be without trials and troubles, so one must simply make the most out of them and laugh it off. If you can't bring yourself to do that, at least have the common decency to tell someone so they can laugh it off for you. I found myself in this very situation over the past weekend. I found no humor in the situation whatsoever, but allowing others the chance to hear the testimony of my story allowed me to at least enjoy some humor in the reactions of others. As we all know Laughter is contagious.



A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
(Proverbs 17:22)


A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.
(Proverbs 15:13)

Holiday Explosion

SANTA SCARES THE S#!* OUT OF ME

Well its that time of the year, the time of year to dress your kids up in Christmas outfits that they hate and drag them kicking and screaming to have their picture taken with creepy old guy in a red suit so that we can laugh at the picture for years to come. So goes the tradition with my kids as well; but this year took a turn that, to say the least, I could have never saw coming.

It started out as normal as any day in my life could possibly be, just another Friday at work. I get off of work slightly earlier on Fridays, so on these days I tend to be the one to pick the kids up from daycare. So, I pick them up and meet my wife at her work to have the kids change into their adorably cute Christmas outfits. My little girl loves clothes almost as much as changing clothes, so for her this was no big deal...candy cane princess DONE. My son on the other hand can see nothing wrong with wearing jeans, hunting boots, and a ninja turtle shirt every hour of every day, so getting him to wear a V-neck sweater with Rudolph on it is like trying to tie a snake into a knot. Alright, we've got one candy cane princess and a verbal agreement from a soon to be 4 year old that he will wear his sweater when we get there. (sounds believable)

We arrive at the mall and to my amazement, my son actually puts on the sweater. This may go better than expected.....WRONG. Wyatt ,although he has apparently lost his ability to talk, fearlessly sits in Santa's lap. He can not see the snakes and monsters poking out of his big red coat that apparently are only visible to his sisters terror stricken eyes. The excitement of my daughter to see Santa has somehow morphed into complete and utter fear for her life. Surely if she lets go of this death grip she will somehow get sucked into a vortex back to Santa's torture chamber at the north pole. No amount of coaxing or bribing will get this shivering child into the possible pedophile's lap, so this ends the seasonal photo op and the real story begins.....

My wife decides to go to the dress store and browse for a dress for her upcoming work Christmas party while I take the kids to the book store to browse around and kill time. They, like always, make a bee line to the train table in the kids section. I attempt to look around, while not wanting to wonder too far away for fear of something getting destroyed and me stuck paying for it. We must have been in the story for all of 5 minutes before I hear the most dreaded words a father can hear from their child while out shopping....."DADDY...I POOPED IN MY PANTS". That's right my sweet little innocent 4 year old son who has been potty trained for years has pooped his pants in the F-ing book store. So time to assess the situation. I calmly escort the two of them across the store to the men's bathroom, my son waddling all the way with tears of embarrassment in his eyes. His sister repeating his statement in her quietest voice, which could be heard in the next state over much less throughout the store, all the way there. We made it, thank God we made it! Ok, now we'll just throw away his underwear, wipe his ass, then he can free ball outta here like nothing ever happened....

WRONG AGAIN!!!! I untie his boots and pull them off. Then I undo his jeans and pull them down..... HOLY S#!T!!!!.....the smell hits me along with the gravity of the situation! This disaster just went to CODE RED!!! (a.k.a. where the hell is your mother) "Hold your shirt up." Pants off. "Hold your shirt up!" Socks in the trash! "Hold your shirt up!" Underwear in the trash! Whole roll of toilet paper used....out of  toilet paper!!! "Hold your damn shirt up son!!!" "Whitley stop touching the toilet!!!" CALL ONE: no answer...... CALL TWO: no answer..... CALL THREE: NO F-ING ANWSER....CALL # WHO THE F KNOWS: ME:"Diarrhea Emergency!!!! I need underwear, socks, shorts like now!!!" My wife: "For you?" Me:"F-ing NO!!! Wyatt!!! Hurry!! For real Hurry!!! (end call) "Wyatt hold your shirt up!!! Whitley get off the F-ing floor!!!" whole roll of wet paper towels used!!! "Wyatt get your hand out of the toilet!!!" WTF!!! Not again.... "Wyatt get on the toilet!!!" "Whitley back up...just stand over there and don't touch anything!!" found more paper towels... (wonder how long that guy has been in that other stall? F-it who cares) "Wyatt stand up stop trying to look under the stall!" (It smells so bad in here, can't believe I haven't gagged yet, where the F is she at)..............................................(30 min later) Finally, thank God she's here. "Son your lucky I love you" "I love you too Diddy"

New clothes on and headed out the door. The twin's: "we  wanna play at the train table again"  "HELL NO!!!!" Done going home. Almost out the door....not again....your turn momma....they made it. Ok...now we're leaving, he's riding with me....hope we make it! At home, in the door. "Come on son we're taking a shower." "I don't need a shower I pooped in my pants!" Oh the logic of a four year old.


Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.
(Psalm 127:3)

Maybe I was in the wrong

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where your mad at someone for the way they called you out when your in the wrong? Maybe it's just me and my somewhat sensitive nature at times. Maybe it's that I feel that your significant other should be on your side even when your wrong, at least in the moment until a better opportunity arrives to enlighten them to the fact that they are wrong. Maybe just letting the situation pass by without a confrontation when they are completely oblivious that there is a situation. Maybe I was just too awesome on the dance floor. Maybe I was just slightly overwhelmed by Auburns unbelievable win during the SEC Championship game. Maybe...just maybe...I was in the wrong...I was a little over indulged and more than just slightly intoxicated.

Maybe I'm a little touchy when I've been drinking. Maybe I act an ass without even trying. Maybe I'm quick to get defensive. Maybe I'm stubborn. Maybe I'm quick to anger. Maybe I'm prone to stupid behavior. Maybe I can be an ass. Maybe I let my feelings get in my own way sometimes. Maybe I'm slow to apologize. Maybe I'm slow to ask for forgiveness. Maybe my wife is quick to grace and forgiveness and gives it without me even asking.

To My Loving Wife: I'm Sorry....You were right and I was wrong (you know I hate saying that last part)....Maybe I love you more than my words could ever express.

Above all things, have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.(1 Peter 4:8)
Thank you for your grace and your love

Don't waste a second

Wow! I hadn't realized that it had been two weeks since I last wrote a post, that goes back to a recent post of mine about being overwhelmed by this season. So, Thanksgiving has come and gone, always a joy to eat myself into a coma. The day after my dad and I headed to the deer woods, as we typically do ever year. This year however was somewhat different, because for the first time my son came with us. Being just shy of four years old some would say he wasn't ready to go hunting, but none the less I felt he was. Just seeing how excited he was just to suit up in his hunting gear was enough to make the whole trip a success even though nothing was killed but time. Speaking of success and of time; this weekend also was an exciting weekend for my team (AUBURN) as they beat Bama with a jaw dropping last second missed field goal returned for a touchdown.

Looking back on this holiday weekend I have many things to be thankful for, but it's the little things that stick out to me the most. It's the smile of a little boy who gets to go with the big boys. It's the sound of a little girl asking when we're coming home. It's that little heartbeat that I can't yet hear. It's the woman who's still in my life that a year ago I thought I'd lost for good. Its that one second that is given to each and every one of us to do something amazing. That one second on a football field that inspired me to think about the joy in every second, the potential to do something positive in every second, the knowledge that our time here is short but we truly can do a lot with a short amount of time.

As short as a second is, don't waste it. Don't waste it thinking about the past. Don't waste it thinking about the future. Don't waste it being idle and unmoving. Before you know it that second has past.



There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
(Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Making Amends

Is it just me or do people sometimes hear what they want to hear? I think that when they know (or think rather)that they are right in their own mind it can deafen them to what is being said. Sometimes when someone thinks they are so much smarter than others they tend to fill in the blanks of what was said with thoughts of their own without ever asking the right questions. I believe that when posed a question from someone your answer is sometimes guided by what you believe is the motive behind it or their intended use of the information they are asking for. Or maybe perhaps I have misspoken. Either way, these situations tend to lend to conflicts when the two involved are both hardheaded and inclined to think that they are the one who is usually right. In these heated times it is easy to lose your cool at the onslaught of verbal abuse and find your self on someone else's level. A place that in times past I had no problem being, but now I find that I have this feeling that I let myself down. So, as I am sitting here typing away I realize that I can let this confrontation fester away or I can do something about it. I can be the one to man up, be the one that attempts to remedy the situation and not make something that in all actuality was no big deal become a more than it should be. So, that is what I intend on doing.....guess I'll let you know how this works out in the end......


Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)


Bridge mended.....sometimes just stepping back away from a situation for a moment gives both people time to have a new perspective and allows them to understand each other better. Stepping up and making amends can be a difficult thing at times, but when you can get your pride out of the way it becomes much easier to bring resolution and closure to most conflicts.

What's my name?

I've been thinking lately about the meaning of names. We all have a name that was given to us when we were born. Some of us had nicknames during our childhood or even that continued on with us throughout our lives. There is no doubt that there can be strong meanings behind a name.

My Son
Joseph: He will enlarge
Wyatt: Brave/strong/hardy warrior
(He is no doubt a larger than life embodiment of strength and bravery)

My daughter
Whitley: white field
Faye: Fairy
(She has always  been a little free spirit and as breathtaking as any cotton field lit by an Alabama sunset)

My Wife
Sarah: Princess
Anne: Grace; favor
(I myself have never met anyone more favorable to my heart, blessed with grace, and truly a queen in my eyes)

Me
Joseph: He will enlarge
Adam: Man
(This is yet to be seen....)

But, the truth is a name is but a name. Are we bond by a name, to fulfill only what our given name implies? Are we bound by the names we are mockingly called throughout our lives? Are we made by our names or are we meant to make a name for ourselves?

Many of us wander through life delusionally thinking that we are no more than the names and labels imposed upon us, either by others or ourselves. For some this may be, but not so for those that are in Christ. The bible tells us that for those who follow Christ here in this world that we will be given a new name in the next. Our new names are already carved in a white stone. We will not know our new name until we are truly home. This new name will have a meaning, we will truly know who we are, and at last we will truly know our purpose. God changed the earthly name of many people in the bible, their new name had a new meaning, a new purpose. We don't have to be who we were, God can and will change us that are called to him. We do not have to label ourselves. God already knows our name, and I for one can't wait for him to reveal to me who "I truly am".

So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old has passed away--look, what is new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17)

See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. (1 John 3:2)

Rest in Him

So, I haven't made a post quite a few days. Busy time of year for me, as I'm sure it is for everyone else. Between Thanksgiving holiday around the corner; as well as Christmas and its ever looming shopping list, my kids birthdays the week before Christmas; family Christmas party; church small group Christmas party; my work "employee appreciation day"; my wife's work Christmas party; harvest season for "Harrison Farms"; hunting season (Male bonding time with my dad and brother); and I'm sure I missed a few other events that have slipped by mind......Anyway, my point is that with so much going on this time of year I find it very easy to loose sight of what is important and what matters. Don't get me wrong; enjoying my kids birthday, spending time with family and friends, celebrating the birth of Christ and God's love for us, these are all things that I value. I just find the holiday season very draining, almost like in a fog drifting through the season as if in a dream. I become anxious, tired, sad/mad at myself for not being happy at times during this time of year.

I'm sure some of this feeling comes from the burdens we (I) put on ourselves. Such as: Feeling like we have to attend every function. Buying and spending more than we really should on gifts (as if the amount of love we have for others is somehow based on the amount of things we get them for birthdays and Christmas). Not taking the time to enjoy the simple pleasure of the season. Trying not to fall behind on work while knowing in the back of your mind that regardless of how much you struggle to keep up that you will be playing catch up for the next month....ugh. Thinking about how commercialized the holidays have become. Just to name a few.

I feel the need to remind myself to REST in the Lord.

"Come to Me all who labor and are heavy laden AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. For I’m gently and lowly in heart, AND YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30)

I feel the need to remind myself that he WILL give me rest (not may or maybe, He WILL)
God wants us to come to him with our burdens and humbly lay them at his feet. He wants us to draw near to him. To rest in him and be at peace. Walk with him and not with this world. Be in this world but not of the world.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus"
(Philippians 4:6-7)

I truly am thankful for God's love, all he has done in my life, and thankful that I know that I can rest in him.

Welcome to the Family

I look around me; at work, at the store, on TV, everywhere I turn; and see so many lost and broken people. The thing is, most of them don't even realize it. They think that they have a handle on their life or that life just is as it is and that they must face it alone. Many of them even think that God is a delusion created only in the minds of others. Many believe in him but think that simply believing is enough and don't truly live for him. Many are scared to give up the way of life they now live, afraid that if they start down that road with him that they will be changed, become like "the hypocrites that go to church". Many believe that they can never be good enough or that they have done too many wrongs to ever be able to look others in the eye and call them brothers and sisters in Christ.

The truth is that I was all of these, and looking back now I almost laugh at myself for not seeing what is so clear to me now. We are all broken, all, but we don't have to be lost and alone. We have a father in heaven who is calling out to us, with arms wide open, waiting for us to run to him. When we do: he will reveal himself to us; he will change us; he will work for us and through us. He says to us, "look here, these are your brothers and sisters who truly love you". So how can we be lost when we walk with our family, the family of God? We may be broken just as we all are but lost is one thing we are not. We have God and we have each other. God will fix our brokenness one day at a time and he will use us as a tool to fix the brokenness of our brothers and sisters.

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, to them that believe on his name (John 1:12)

I feel truly blessed to have a new family of my own in the form of a small group. It took my wife and I over a year to find a group that fit for us. Either the day of the week didn't work, or the time, or the life stage was a little off for us, or there was no child care. I think God's timing is always perfect as well as his plans for us, because I couldn't think of a better group of people to grow together with. Though its only been a short amount of time since we first meet, I already know that God has put some amazing people in my life. Most seem as jacked up as me at time, and the rest, well I probably just need time to see that they are as well. That being said, they really are good people and want to do good for God, grow stronger in their faith, and reach the lost and broken in this world. Not sure where life's journey's will lead us but I do know that as long as I follow God, it will be amazing.

As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all , especially unto them who are of the household of faith (Galatians 6:10)

Somethings missing something

Have you ever had a time in your life where you were seeking affection from someone or trying to bond with them and it seemed like the more you try the less you got or the more distant you felt? It can knock you down and it will if you let it, but maybe there is more to it than it appears. Maybe I am being selfish? Maybe instead of thinking about what I am missing out on, what I am in need of, maybe I should be thinking about the other person and what they are in need of. What could be going on in them, what should I be doing for them? Maybe by filling their needs, I could in turn initiate the fulfillment of my own.

Does our greatest happiness not come from meeting the needs of others? Shouldn't we (I) be seeking to find our (my) happiness in the Lord? Jesus loves us and when we seek him and his affection it is there and when we wish to bond with him and become closer to him he always gives us that opportunity. I am learning this more and more every day. No one in this world can ever live up to our expectations. There will always be let downs and disappointment in every relationship, sometimes we are let down, other times we are the one falling short. I know that I fall short all the time, so how then can I be upset when I feel like someone is falling short of meeting my needs? The truth is that it is our human condition, us in all our brokenness, to feel disappointment in others yet feel that we are justified in those feelings. We all have a hole inside of us that we continually try to fill with things that don't fit, like a square peg in a round hole. (analogy intended...just for you) We can fill that hole. Jesus fits.


For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, (Romans 3:23)

Today and going forward, I will continue to try to not dwell on my own needs but look past them to the needs of others. The key word here is "try", because I know I will fall short at times; but I will do my best to remember this and let God tend to my needs.

Heaven without God?

Yesterday my wife and I were talking about someone very dear to us, particularly about a short conversation where this person mentioned that she does not believe in God but believes that she will go to heaven. This is a strange thought process for me to understand. One who believes in heaven must surly believe in God, right? A part of me thinks that what is missing in her is not a belief in God (believing in heaven surely means that there is some belief in something greater than this world), but rather a misunderstanding about God's love. It can be easy for those with a rough past to question God's love, I may not have all the answers for her but I do know that God definitely loves us. John 3:16 (one of the most quoted verses in the bible) tells us: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. God does love us; he wants our love, he wants our belief and faith in him as well. The book of John also tells us what Jesus thought about faith and belief: "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

She also made a comment along the lines of, "...so and so's husband just died, if there was a God he wouldn't let that happen". The word of God does not tell us that we will never suffer, but know that sin, evil, suffering was not God's doing. God made all creation and "it was good". He created man in his image, this included the capacity to love. To have the capacity to "love" we must have "free will", and from "free will" came the fall of man in the garden of Eden. Since the fall, our world and lives have been full of suffering. Even natural disasters and the like can be attributed to the fall of man. In our rejection of God (the we can do it without you attitude) he stepped back and let us see that we do need him. (like the fact that you can tell a child over and over not to touch something because it's hot but if he had touched it once you would never have to tell him again). Though there is suffering in this world there is hope, God sent us a savior that we my once again come to him and be in a perfect place.

".....In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33 (JESUS)

Look, I don't have all the answers, I don't claim to have all the answers. I, like many others, am still learning new things about myself every day. How can I answer all there is to ask of our God, the creator of me? I do on the other hand know one answer....JESUS!....and I am thoroughly content with that answer. I am not saying that I won't continue to diligently seek the answers to life's toughest questions, just that I am fully faithful that God has his reasons. My understanding is limited to my knowledge and my knowledge is limited to what is given, in time I will understand.

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. (1 Corinthians 13:12)

I just hope and pray that the things which I know to be true can find it's way into the hearts of those who are lost, those who have these beliefs that are seated in their own misconceptions of who God truly is. Misconceptions formed from their own minds; built upon a painful past, present, or perceived future; and not from the word of God. I pray that God uses me, as broken as I am, to be an instrument for him.


How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? (Romans 10:14)

And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. (Mark 16:15-16)

Feeling Blessed

Feeling blessed these last couple of days. Just yesterday I received good news from my employer in the form of my first ESOP statement (looked way better than I ever would have expected), I received great news from my wife (not sharing that news just yet), I got a chance to talk to my good friend brother whom I haven't spoke to in far too long, and had a great night of just hanging out with family. It's easy to feel blessed when we have days like these, but are we not still blessed in moments of trials and tribulation?

I think we all need to be reminded that we are indeed blessed by those hard times in our past and the ones to come. God tells us through Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." God will use our trials, our tribulations, and our suffering for his glory. Maybe he needed you to go through something to gain the knowledge needed to help someone else. Maybe he needed you to overcome something so that someone else could see that it could be overcome. Maybe he took you through something so he could break you before he remade you.

There are so may reasons God calls us to suffer for him, but know that it is not for nothing. None can truly know why we have to go through our own particular struggles other than God, but we can take heart and rejoice because we know that he is using it. He will not let it go to waste. We should remember that he is working in us and through us in these times and that truly is something to rejoice in.

(Note to self: "Self....., remember what you just wrote, you'll need it in the future")





Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (Romans 5:2-5)